I don’t know anymore

[anxiousalexis]

This rant may sound dumb but it’s something that’s been bothering me.

My anxiety relapses late July.. My cousin gets sick late July. She’s in the hospital until late August.. I’m the driver for everyone. I’m still not mentally healthy. I slowly get back to normal.. Then I have another relapse... from relapsing.. I end up sleeping more than Im used to. When I start feeling normal again, I try to get back into a healthy routine but everytime I start getting back to that, I have to wake up at 6 or 7:30 to take people to appointments or school. I feel bad saying “No” since the rest of the family doesnt help out. My parents are paying my cousin’s bills and I’m the chauffeur but if we say no to anything.. we’re told that we’re stingy & cheap. Or they say “Im lazy.” I havent been able to catch a break. IM STILL FOCUSING ON MY MENTAL HEALTH BUT NO ONE GIVES ME A BREAK. Im at a point right now where Im trying to figure out what I wanna do and these people are treating me like I’m nobody bc I havent done anything. WHY CANT PEOPLE TAKE MENTAL HEALTH SERIOUSLY!? DO PEOPLE THINK I LOVE BEING IN BED, AFRAID TO GO PLACES SOMETIMES. I BAIL ON A LOT OF PEOPLE BC IM WORRIED TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK WHEREEVER WE GO. I choose to go sometimes because somedays I feel good. IDK.. I feel worthless bc im not doing school or work. So like I cant say anything. I’m 18 and im just scared right now

[anxiousalexis]

Am I being selfish or am I lazy? Like I’m so confused

[blackcat64013]

Hi Alexisl99,

It seems to me you have shouldered a lot for your family recently. Well done

You can only do so much before it catches up with you. When you opt out doing something, think that you are doing the best you can right now and it's okay to say no.

I wonder if you can work on getting a regular bedtime and get up time sorted. This routine means you will get enough good quality sleep and you might feel a little better. If you get up regularly at 7:30am each day you will either have extra time for yourself (go for a walk?) or you can fit in the driving etc. Sleep is the most important thing to recover from the previous day and prepare for the next one

[anxiousalexis in reply to blackcat64013]

Yeah, it’s been tough. I just need my family to be a little bit more understanding. Thanks for listening