I'm off everything!!!!

Ok it's been a month since I had to use an emergency Ativan. Even when I was at Children's hospital for 3 weeks with my son! I am home with him and with all the machines and new schedule I have no time to think about what if......or why is that happening. I am still seeing my therapist religiously and get a dark thought or I've done so much I'm exhausted. I still have my cry everyday I set aside 1 hour to feel horrible and let the negative thoughts in and then cry until I am exhausted and it really is calming. I still get the flutters and chest pain and feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, or slow down and stop. I just pause a second ask myself have I felt this before and if I have I ignore it if it's different I promise myself if it gets worse I will stop and call the doctor or go to the emergency room (it never has gotten that far, yet). I know once this settles down I will probably revert to my old ways (fingers crossed I don't) but I will work on that one day at a time. So keep yourself busy until you exhaust yourself might be the key to this whole thing. This is usually when my night or early morning anxiety starts so I am into preparing for that with crackers and juice on the nightstand and my meditation noise app on my phone. As much as I hate anxiety, in a way it's making me stronger and I believe everyone who has this terrible condition are stronger than anyone else who says why waste your time on worry. Worry and stress makes us be rational in extreme worry and anxiety because we deal with it every minute of every day the ones who don't, do not know how to handle a sliver of worry or anxiety. We are all at high alert all day every day and we survive. Screw those "normal" people we are the survivors!!

Skip

Featured Content

Join our community

The community helps everyone affected by anxiety by providing support, information and guidance.

Follow

Featured by HealthUnlocked

3 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Fearoffear, You certainly did show a lot of strength during that most stressful time with your son in the hospital. Being away from your family and having only yourself to find strength within, seems to have worked for you. Now that you are at home with your son, I know the care still continues and you are on call every moment. I know they say keeping busy is the way to handle anxious thoughts. It is however, thoroughly exhausting if kept up for too long. Make sure you take care of yourself as well. Find some time for you. I hope your son will be okay. I think this did make you learn a lot more about yourself. You are a survivor for sure. xx

  • Thanks Agora1, yes I agree. Tomorrow is my first day in a week I haven't had an appointment or people coming over to check in. My husband has the day off and he is sending me away for the day for a surprise, and out to dinner. I'm so excited it's going to be hard to sleep, 3 hours left until my shift with my son is over and I get to go to bed so I'll just work on getting myself tired.

  • Fearoffear, Enjoy you well earned day off and dinner tomorrow. You are an amazing mother. :) xx

You may also like...