Ok as some of you know my oldest son is in Children's hospital with pneumonia. Well today all the tests came back fungal infection of the lungs. They are getting a liter of fluid out of his lungs a day. Because of his Muscular Dystrophy he can't cough it up on his own, so the intabation tube has to stay for at least a week more. I hate seeing him like this. I'm being told when he is ready to go home in about a month he will still have his feeding tube. I hate that thing! So my anxiety makes me cry all day, I'm spending $30 a day here between the parking garage and food. I'm sleeping on what feels like a high school gym mat, which is making my hips and ribs/chest hurt. I'm constantly talking myself out of the negative and the anxiety of being away from my other kids and my familiar home. I just want to crawl into my bed and never leave it again. I shake, I tingle, I cry, I get cold, I get hot, I get mad, I get sad, I yell, I say things I don't mean, I just want this anxiety to give me one damn break for one damn moment. Just switch it off like a normal person. If this would have been me 8 month ago I would have probably admitted myself, but I am trying so hard to do my mindfulness exercises and CBT techniques but it's getting hard.