Overconscious of my own feelings. They disappear forever :(

[pawannogariya]

I have always been overconscious of myself and my feelings. I have also found out that I belong to the category HSP (Highly sensitive people) and so anxiety comes natural for me.

I have always suffered with social anxiety but very mild, It has always been there but not to the point where it makes my life hard, I used to feel it and could get over it in sometime, so basically it was not the main thing of my life but something that used to come and go.

But from last 7-8 years my social anxiety has shoot to another level, I have got so much conscious and sensitive to the people eyes while talking to them (sounds dumb) and my whole being got so consious and full of pressure to with that consciousness, becuase of that I would give extreme pressure to the back of my eyes and because if which the whole jaw area used to pain.

This went on for 6-7 years and I think because of this continous happening I have distorted my facial muscles physically, because I don't feel anything now in the way I used to feel, may be my subconscious mind shuts the things down because of continous fear, there is a continous energy push on my face which doesn't let me feel any other thing. I consulted with doctors because it feels purely physical but all the reports MRI etc. came out to be normal. So I have made my mind that I have to live with it.

But the main problem I want to get rid of is,

May be because of being over conscious of everything for so long my mind has now got this habit, and so I have been getting conscious of my own feelings when they come and it feels like I have got in a different perspective and I am watching them getting separated from them and within a second I kind of supress it and it never feels the same. Even if I try to remember it I don't feel it the same way.

I really get afraid all the time that I don't know which feeling I will get conscious of and then it will be like plane space, nothing there

Is there any solution for this problem?

[Indigojoe]

Im sorry you have had to experience this. Until I found this forum I was sure it was only me in the world who felt like this. Here is what I did. I found a therapist.(choose wisely) but choose one. I was born an HSP. It is a benefit in all areas of life IF you accept yourself. Acceptance is KEY to managing your feelings.

I was always a square peg in a round hole UNTIL, i realized that the people who were around me were {going deep now} only there to reinforce to me, i didn't need them or want them in my life, but I had been programmed to believe I needed them. *Exhale*. So accept who and what you are, relax, knowing you are a good person and make choices that are beneficial to YOU and you alone.

A good therapist, self acceptance, approval of yourself is how this HSP started to heal.

[pawannogariya in reply to Indigojoe]

Thanks for the reply!

When you say therapist, do you mean pschycatrist? If yes are you on some kind of medication?

[Indigojoe in reply to pawannogariya]

Therapist not a doctor.

Social worker psychologist, or trauma therapist over the years.

I'm on Lexapro 0.5mg.