Out of my comfort zone just to see her smile

Yesterday was my oldest daughter birthday, the big 21!! Ok so I have GAD, social anxiety and health anxiety and I never go anywhere except to the store or an occasional good day to the dog park, had about 7 of those days this past month woohoo! Anyway I stopped drinking about 7 years ago when my mother died, it made my anxiety worse. So she said mom come out and drink one with me, I mean I did have one drink 4 years ago when my oldest son turned 21. So I went and she had her friends with her so I already felt uncomfortable. She remembered the drink I had drank for so many years as an alcoholic and ordered it for me. I was like oh a Mexican Mellon and I let it sit there for a minute like it was poison. Wondering will I want this and become everything I hated years ago? I finally braved it took a good sip and ooohweeee it was like turpintine, lighter fluid, it was caught in my mouth and I was now convincing myself to swallow. She smiled from ear to ear as she sat next to me in this dark, karaoke singing, smoke induced little dive. She sat there and told everyone my mom never goes anywhere or does anything outside of the home, but tonight she came here just to be with me. I can't forget her pretty smile or her drunk glistening eyes, but I did it, I didn't die. Today I am having bad upset stomach over one drink and I keep smiling and saying yeah it was definitely worth it! Thanks for listening you guys I only have two more to experience this with and they are 18 and 11 respectively, and I can't wait to tell you all about my special nights with them too!

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  • Build on your achievement and go out some more, take your family out to a restaurant, do what you fear and the death of fear is assured as the saying goes. Your legs aren't going to give way under you, they never do, extremely unlikely you'll be hit by a meteorite, don't let your sensitised nerves deny you the pleasures of the great outdoors. So just accept the bad feelings and get out some more, put one foot in front of the other and, hey, you've walked to somewhere new, somewhere nice, you can do it so long as you just accept the bad feelings for the moment, accept them long enough and they WILL pass.

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