Living with anxiety

[Nicole8631]

Hey everyone i'm new here! I have anxiety possibly ocd and depression im on citalopram almost 6weeks now and i have ups and downs it's like i'm forcing myself not think normal!! I can't stop thinking about it and i always and up giving my own self anxiety like it's driving me crazy it feels like never ending 24/7 if i have one minute freedom from my thoughts im like oh back to anxiety!! Am i crazy or i don't know anymore!! Please somone help!! I'm so glad i found this forum finally! If i feel normal it's making me feel weird and i keep telling myself that i did something really bad!!

[Stumblety]

Your not crazy. I have anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia. Lots of treatments = lots of hope. Finding the right balance of treatment can take time. You'll get there!

[Nicole8631 in reply to Stumblety]

i really hope so because sometimes i feel like i can't take this anymore it's like a never ending circle!!

[Stumblety in reply to Nicole8631]

I hear that. How long you been going through this?

[Nicole8631 in reply to Stumblety]

it's a long story i have had it in 2013 was taking citalopram 20mg and i was fine i dropped it cold turkey after a year or so and it came back in july this year...

[Stumblety in reply to Nicole8631]

Wow so you have potentially a clear solution. That's awesome!

[Nicole8631 in reply to Stumblety]

well i hope so because this one is worse than ever i just don't really remember how i was thinking back then i know but no clearly like i forgot about it and just moved on with my life and now it's seems like hell because of googling all kinds of mental stuff and i always convince myself that i have some serious mental illness and im dangerous! If im mad i get scared of me. if i have ups and downs i tell myself that im bipolar. Like seriously i don't know how to think clearly anymore.

[Hidden]

Hello and welcome! I can identify with what you said about anxiety and depression. I've been panicky just under the surface all day. Had it forever. It's hard to get out of your head when these feelings and thoughts are so prominent. U are not alone. Is this treatment new for u? I hope the medication helps. I'm glad u decided to post and I hope it helped u!

[Nicole8631 in reply to Hidden]

Hello and thanks for the reply! Im on citalopram for the second time almost 6 weeks in and ups and downs i just hope its gonna work this time because this is not me seriously i was a happy person even if i had really tough times in life. And suddenly anxiety tricked my mind i started googling all kinds of mental symptoms and omg i made myself worse than ever!!!

[Hidden in reply to Nicole8631]

U are welcome. I hope it works too. I'm having panic attacks and stuff bc my meds are getting adjusted. It's hard to wait when ur feeling this way.

[Nicole8631 in reply to Hidden]

I know . what do u take?

[Hidden in reply to Nicole8631]

Savella (can be used for depression but I take for fibromyalgia ) and Cymbalta. I go c the Dr in 13 days--yes I'm counting down!

[Nicole8631 in reply to Hidden]

i dont know about these meds but i wish you all the best and keep me updated!

[Hidden in reply to Nicole8631]

We're all here for you. The meds are best discussed with the Dr. Do what u can now to deal with issues day by day. There are alot of good ideas out there and uplifting folks. Be proud u wrote on the forum, I have to take my own advice! Anything to live your life positively is a plus.

[Nicole8631 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks a lot! Yes it was a big step for me to write here.

[20Voices]

Hi,

You are not crazy. I have anxiety and depression and at times I felt like I was going mad with paranoia and OCD. I used to have to check all the doors and windows several times before I could go to my bed and then still get up and check it all again before I could even attempt to sleep.

I tried at first to ignore the voices I was hearing, but that just made them worse. When I got put on medication I didn't want to take it because I didn't want to get stuck in the medication trap. I was lucky that my GP understood and kept to the promise he made with me that day. He promised to get me booked for other therapies if I started taking the medication, because the medication would help me to stabilize and be more receptive to other therapies. So once my medication was settled, I have to change it a couple of times because some of the drugs made me feel worse, I was signed up for a CBT program and then I also attended a Stress Control course. That Stress Control course was good, because it spoke about stress, anxiety and depression. There were people from all walks of life and with varying issues that were causing them stress. We didn't have to talk about our problems or do any awkward group work at the course, so it was good to just go and get the information. I had to ask if I could do the course again because I was so out of focus the first time. As my husband had refused to help me get better my Mum came to the course the 2nd time I did it. Which was good, because she would phone me and check how things were and remind me of things from the course. She also got a lot from the course herself too, so that was good.

It has not been easy, but I find now that some days I don't have any voices, which is a little strange and worrying at first. I now have a system where I keep a diary and always write what successes I have had each day and what I am grateful for. I also have a method of praising myself for reaching goals as well. To start with a good day would be just getting out of bed and taking a shower. I am not ashamed to still admit that. I know some people think that is just being lazy, but when you are that low it is a big deal to just do that. I learned that you need to look at how you feel that day to work out what a major success or goal is for you. "You can only do your best, depending on how you are feeling that day" is a statement that I said to a disabled friend one day when we were talking and she was feeling down about how she was doing that day. Some days she couldn't even get out of bed, because of her physical disabilities. She asked if she could use that as a quote and I said that was okay. I now use that quote myself because anxiety and depression is quite disabling at times.

You will get through this, take it one step at a time and speak to your doctor about getting other help if it is not already being arranged for you.

Check out the pinned posts for resources that may be of use to you and also check out the website from the community provider as well as that may have information that is useful to you.

Ask questions on here and also read past posts as they may be helpful, you can search the posts for a topic you are concerned about.

Take care

[Nicole8631 in reply to 20Voices]

Hey 20Voices ! Oh wow well thanks for the info it's really helpful and i'm glad that i'm not alone! I know it's hard but i wake up everyday take a shower etc. and i'm really a strong person and i see myself that it's still not working even if i work like 13 hrs a day it's making me really frustrated. Like im unpatient.Therapy doesn't help for me. I just don't get it.. It's making me more anxious. And i'm really stubborn..

[Hidden in reply to 20Voices]

Thanks 20Voices! Great reply, helped me too!

[20Voices in reply to Hidden]

You are welcome.

[Bb53 in reply to 20Voices]

Great post and very good advice.thanks

[20Voices]

I got frustrated with it all because I was using techniques that I had used in competitive sport for dealing with stress and so many other things as well.

What changed it for me was working my my psychologist, I had no luck with the psychiatrists I got sent to see and one made me feel like hitting something badly and wanting to go and drink a lot of alcohol. Since I'd just given up the alcohol I was not happy with that.

Anyway I realized that my expectations that I was putting on myself were unrealistic and that in order to get better I was going to have to adjust how I thought about myself and what I do.

So, with a lot of work on reviewing situations , what happened, what my thoughts were, the positives and negatives of the situation and how I reacted. Along with work on relaxation, mindfullness, forgiveness and gratitude I got to a place where I am much better than I was.

I gave up alcohol because I only really had a glass or 2 of wine at weekends normally, but at my worst I drank a full bottle of whiskey neat in one night and with the medication I was on it left me in an awful state. So rather than tempt fate that it would happen again I stopped drinking alcohol altogether. I also did some work on my anger because that was terrible and never used to be. I bought an inflatable punch tower and I punched and kicked it when I needed to release all that anger I felt for myself and my illness and also my ex-husband.

I spent time on changing my view so that I changed my perception so that I focus on what I can do to make change rather than what I can't do. I still get bad days and get all negative on myself, but I have so many pictures and quotes on walls, on my mobile and computer and reminders as well as to what my goal is that I don't get a chance to go too deep down that negative route very far. I also have people who support me and check on me to ensure that I am keeping up with my tablets and my techniques. They don't nag me, but I get gentle reminders from them from time to time.

It is tough and it can be done, it is just finding out what works for you. I've tried a lot of things that I have just thought to be weird and not work, but was willing to try anyway. One of the best was setting up a sleep routine and removing all electronics from my bedroom, changing it to be clutter free and painting it a more soothing colour. I also keep a diary every evening and the last entry is my statement on what I am grateful for. Everyday I have routines for what I do in the morning and in the evening with regards to forgiveness and gratitude. Just even ensuring I stay well hydrated every day has made a difference.

I have read so much that it fascinates me as to what works for some people and not for others.

I hope you find something that will help you.

Take care.

[Agora1]

20 Voices, Great advice that more of us need to take. So much plays into reducing our

stress and anxiety. You seem to have found the key. xx

[davidjmattock]

Your not crazy your normal it's just anxiety has become larger than life in your mind, I know been there. First you've got to embrace that feeling and accept anxiety. Its nor easy I know but once you accept it as part of life and living it does get easier.

Try Mindfulness there are 30 day programs on anxiety and ocd they really helped me and still do.

[Nicole8631 in reply to davidjmattock]

i know i know and thanks for the reply it's just so hard to deal with it every single day scared to death for the next morning. Mindfulness doesn't work for me . I'm trying to accept it and it works for 1 minute and then back to square one..

[davidjmattock]

For mindfulness search "headspace"

[Victoria15]

I have been on citalopram for 7 months and i still have bad anxiety days. I can go seceral week and feel good. Then, pow, anxiety takes over. It takes about a month to 6 weeks for citalopram to start working. Give it some rime and if your not feeling better talk to your doctor. Just know your not alone in this battle.

[Nicole8631 in reply to Victoria15]

Hey ! Thanks for ur reply!Yes that's what i'm hoping for because i work i do everything i'm not letting myself being lazy in bed because i'm so desperately want it to go away

[Kaan]

Hi, it's so reassuring to read someone else out there in the world is suffering the exact same thing as u. Based on what u have written me and u are very similar. I am 4 weeks into citalopram and it feels like it's not working. Although if been told to give it more time. There is light at the end of the tunnel for people like us. Just keep at it and you'll get there. Good luck

[Hidden]

Hi Nicole8631. First I'll tell you, You are NOT crazy. Yes sadly sometimes anxiety can make you feel that way. I know first hand. I have been dealing with anxiety for many years. I now take meds which have really helped. I was one who never took anything not even an aspirin. For years I dealt with this anxiety alone. Afraid to say anything for fear I would be thought to be crazy. Thankfully I found the right doctor who prescribed the right meds and yes I still have my days but I'm learning more and more of ways to deal with it. for many years it consumed my life. I wanted to just work ( which that a lone was a struggle) and come home to bed. I thank God that now I'm getting to feel some normalcy again. I still have some bad days but I won't let this beat me. Good luck to you

[Nicole8631 in reply to Hidden]

Hello Jane137. Wow very inspiring your story hun xx are you taking SSRI? Same here i hated to take even for headaches medication i hate alcohol i hate drugs. You are very strong keep up the good job !