no more fight left

it seems that just when I think I am ok, something happens to set me back to the worst part of my anxiety and panic. the sad thing is that I do it to myself. I was always taught to be kind, humble, and to help anyone that I am able to help whether it be a kind word, some extra change in my pocket, or being the most loyal and unconditional friend I can be. Now, I know that I am a large woman and certainly no miss America; however, I am (or so I thought) not repulsive and I will do anything without question for the people I care about. a few days ago someone I love and who I thought loved me, chose someone else (1900 miles away) to be with. the kicker? I am living there with him right now and I have no money and no where else to go. I have a home and I am waiting for the renter I have in there to leave so I am stuck. Believe me, I have gone to everyone I know for help or a place to stay... no one will help me.

I am in a constant state of sadness and panic. this Jerk keeps telling me he loves me "just as his best friend now" and that he cannot be without me in his life. I am so humiliated, hurt, heartbroken and weak. my anxiety is through the roof. I left my boyfriend of 9 years to be with him and because I didn't do things according to his timeline, he went to someone else. I am trying to work things out with my ex but he wont let me come back to live at his house. sigh, I cannot believe I fell for this person and trusted him to love me. He says he cant handle the sad and the constant crying... he knew I was this way! I was with him every second he needed me when he was sick. I have defended him fiercely when everyone told me he was taking advantage of me.

I have no more fight left. I have no more will left. I am completely alone, no one to be in my corner and I feel like I am dying all the time.

Im sorry for going on and on, I just have no one at all and I needed to talk about this, even if no one is listening.

can anyone tell me? how and when does the hurt go away?

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2 Replies

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  • Well im sorry this happened. I dont knpw whats worse; heartbreak or anxiety. Sigh. But its gonna take time. Especially if you truly did love him. Cant really put an exact time on how long it takes to get over it. But you can now take this time to focus on you. Its gonna hurt and feel lonely but time will heal. Unless you meet the love of your life in a few weeks, its definitely may take longer than that. Hope you feel better.

  • So sorry to hear this has happened to you. I know how you feel me ex decided that he'd rather go and live with a woman and help her with her marriage breakdown than help me when I became ill.

    It does get better, but you need to take time to sort out your feelings before you make any decisions.

    You need to look after yourself right now. It is okay to look after you and take time to look after you.

    I have found that working hard on getting yourself well and better is worth it. Find the techniques that help you to get strong as a person and practice them every day.

    My thoughts as with you and I know it gets better.

    Take care.

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