Hi all 😊

My own mother has quite possibly lost trust in me, because in my opinion, my older sister letting her down in the past. Therefore, FOR NOW I try to support her and keep myself at home for them (my parents) sake. I know what you might be thinking...but they are both over 60 and I know I'll regret it when the day comes and they are not here anymore. I am 30.

I have friends, from school and college. But, as the years went on I found myself isolating myself. From them and from being social. My family never in a positive way encouraged me to interact with them or others. From being a teenager into adulthood I just slipped away from these people who had given many opportunities in facebook messages to meet up or go to events. I was younger than and I never took tbose things into consideration.

Now I am at the stage where my depression is taking over and I really find it hard to make actual friends and communicate properly. I do voluntary work and even my new manager is wondering wtf is wrong with me. I can't help but look a bit glum and of course I'm quieter than the rest. I talk , but they have definitely detected that there must be something wrong with me.

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4 Replies
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Don't worry about things so much. Live life the way it makes you happy.

You are a good person for being with your parents and you will have no regrets. You don't have to isolate yourself you can find friends and still have your family.

Just relax and live yor life the best you can in the moment. Smile

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Thanks so much Cicinoodle ☺ people on this forum tell it like it is, give honest opinions and not just 'there there'. x

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Sometimes we can pt so much pressure on ourselves because we can read things into other peoples reactions that is not there. Your manager may just be concerned for you and wondering how to talk to you about it.

My sister left home and lost contact with all her friends. I also lost contact with most of my friends as well. I have one great friend from school, who I don't speak to all the time but when we do get together it is like we just saw each other yesterday,

You still have time to reach out to your friends who have contacted you previously on facebook. You never know if they would be interested in rekindling the friendship if you don't try and if not at least you can say you tried, rather than wondering what if in the future.

It is great that you are volunteering and hopefully you should find that the more you do the better you feel and the more you engage with others. Try not to worry so much about what everyone is thinking of you. Why not plan to speak to someone you know when you are volunteering, it is scary to do that but when I was doing my training with Barnardo's I always had goals for my training night. First one was to make it to the training without freaking out or taking a panic attack, then it was to make sure I spoke to the other trainees and to engage in the session. It got easier each week as I got to know everyone and I was amazed at the end I was even dressing better for the evening. First week I was in jeans, a t-shirt and sweatshirt, the last couple of weeks I felt so good I was in nice casual trousers and a nice top.

I go and see my parents a few times a week and spend time with then at the weekend if I am not needed for volunteering. My Dad is now 70 and my Mum Turns 70 soon, so I understand how you feel about staying connected with the family. It is precious times with your parents, my Dad had a heart attack 6 years ago and had to have a stent fitted, so it opened my eyes to how precious any time with them is.

I would suggest that you see if there is any groups or evening classes that you would like to do in your area, something you have always wanted to try but haven't so far.

I did an evening class in reflexology when I was 30 and on my own. I really enjoyed it and also got a foot massage every week as well. :-D Only problem I had was that who ever I was partnered with wanted me to massage their feet first and then they were to relaxed to do mine properly. By week 3 they were all trying to get me to do their feet cause they had heard my first 2 partners say what a great sleep they had had. I learned then to get them to do my feet first. :-D

Certainly keep up your volunteering and keep setting yourself goals for talking to people. It just takes practice and it will get easier each time you do it.

I hope this helps.

Take care.

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Thanks 20Voices for great reply 😊 I've had better reponses like yours than I have from people in my life. 👍thanks for your advice.

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