Any advice greatly appreciated

Ok.. where to start.. pretty much ive had quite a few things happen in my life that werent good, i lost a lot of family members, including my 11 year old neice, i was taken away from my dad when i was seven as he had been accused of abuse, accusations that turned out not true and i was reunited with my dad after 5 years of battling. Ive sinced been really badly bullied at work, to the point i thought i was losing my mind. Both my parents have serious health problems and my dad is now manic depressive and has since tried to commit suicide. I have recently split with my husband, and lost all my friends, since my bullying i keep finding myself a victim at work, and had numerous jobs since, i have bad anxiety and paranoia at work, im a hard worker and always go over and above my job sometimes getting obsessed. I found my body started to hurt and play up, and ending up in severe pain and ending up getting rushed into hospital. Id get there and the doctors couldnt find anything physically wrong and told me it was the body translating my stress into physical syymptoms, after taking a sick dayin my trail period i got fired from my most recent job. Now i am trying to make a new start i a the city i come from originally, and been on esa since losing my job (since May) i am really trying to rebuild my life and have accessed the sources available to me. I have just started therapy and new antidepressants,, moved back in with my parents, ive just started aquafit and i help with my mums jewellery making and selling hobby. Which is a market once a week. But my doctor wants me on jobseekers allowance and i feel like i wont be able to cope. Im hoping eventually i can start my own business with some help and support through esa as i juat cant imagine going back to a traditionally structured job again... or soon anyways. I feel at the minute that im just holding myself together and if i drop or let go i will completely break forever. I find it hard to talk to my doctor cos all i do is cry, i cant stop, even at therapy im like a blubbering leaky pipe, and im ashamed of my crying. I hate crying. And i think ive blocked out the bad times in my life... like some bits i literally cant remember. Like i know they happened i just cant remember them even though they were long ago. And on the outside i mostly appear ok, i have kept going and going and now im ready to let people know how i feel i cant take off the mask... or stop the 'play' that im livinga normal life. Obviously i know the doctor wants to push me and i know they have a few people swinging the leg but i really dont know what to do.... hope this makes sense and just speeled nonsense. Thanks in advance.

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4 Replies

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  • Hi pudding098,

    First I'm sending a virtual hug to you 🙌 .

    I highly recommend you go back to therapy and ask her if there is any coping techniques for you under all this stress that you are under.

    I know we hear this all the time. But there is light at the end.

    Sometimes a break from it all isn't so bad. Maybe take a few days away. A new scenery is always food for the soul. I also meditate. I find this really helps in the long run.

  • your not babbling on and i don't think going on jsa will help as they hound you to the point of exhaustion, i was so stressed when i was on it as you never seem to be able to please them. Have you thought to try a different doctor or a lady doctor who is more sympathetic to your needs .....good luck and big hugs

  • Thank you for your replies and hugs its so nice that someone even just read my post. For an update, i changed doctor until my esa assessment which i was instantly signed off for 18 months with no pushy and prodding off jobcentre. I am now hoping to start my business in 2018 with financial and emotional support from my parents, i cant just sit and not try, hopefully i wont muck this up.

  • Hang in there one step at a time hugs

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