driving everyone away

[miss-m]

This is only my second post, I am still new to this. I have had anxiety and depression for pretty much 20 years now. I have bouts where I am fine. Recently some things have gone wrong and I am having such horrible anxiety and panic that it is driving everyone I love away. I find myself crying uncontrollably scared of everything so what do I do... call someone. I have cried and told the same story over and over needing constant reassurance every 5 minutes. I know that everyone is tired of me and some people that I love dearly have just stopped responding. I am trying so hard to control it and I am trying to not pick up the phone. I am trying to occupy my mind but its not working. I need someone to talk to just to say everything is going to be ok but people can only do that over and over again until they get tired of me. My chest hurts, my body is shaking, my eyes are swollen and all I want to do is cry. I don't know where to turn anymore. I am worried I am going to lose my job and be completely alone. Can anyone relate?

[elizabethbinion]

I have been this way the last 4 months and I feel people are sick of me talking about it and dwelling on it. It makes me feel better to talk about it though. You're definitely not alone!

[miss-m in reply to elizabethbinion]

Thank you so much! I am doing everything I can to keep it together. The worst part is that the person I love, rely on and want to talk to has company and wont talk to me. apparently I have done something bad and he said he is sick of the crying and the drama. I wish I could just make him understand I am trying so hard. Just a kind word from him would make a huge difference. I don't know what to do anymore.

[elizabethbinion in reply to miss-m]

It's not just drama! It's you being anxious and sad and hurt! I'm sorry you have to deal with that and you don't deserve it.

[miss-m in reply to elizabethbinion]

I am so confused. I do everything I mean everything for this person. He is dealing with Leukemia and I have been there every step of the way. I drop everything for him. I do everything for everyone. I ask for nothing other than some companionship and kindness.

[elizabethbinion in reply to miss-m]

I'm so sorry! He should definitely be there for you in return! I mean, he should be anyway, but especially if you take care of and support him! Hugs! I pray things get better for you.

[Agora1]

Good Morning miss-m, it's a cruel world out there in regards to having anxiety. Probably one of the loneliest illnesses to have. People around us don't understand that a simple "I care" or "Everything will be okay" is monumental to us. But in reality you will only get the comfort, understanding and support from a forum like this. Men and women of all ages going through and experiencing what you are, can feel your emotional pain. I'm glad you found us.

Unfortunately for you right now is that out of desperation you have had to go from the frying pan into the fire by moving with your best friend for a while. It sounds like that is taking a toll on you. His ears are deaf to your needs and pleas for hearing you right now. Your body is reacting to the mental stress. But you do have choices... Look on the positive side in that you have a roof over your head, a comfortable bed (I presume) to sleep in and are safe vs having to sleep in your car.

It's not forever, but can do for now if you allow your mind to pull back from wanting what you need because it's not going to happen with your friend. Seeking out free counseling is available in the U.S. but the waiting list is long. If you go to the ER they will hopefully provide you with someone to talk to for the time you are there. This is the time when I feel people can benefit on taking medication for a short time to calm down the moment until finding help or at the most giving you an escape for a while.

miss-m, things are going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Time and patience heals all. Continue using the forum for your support. We are your new friends who won't let you down. Wipe your tears, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and smile back at yourself. You are not alone. x