I need some help

Hey guys, fairly new to this. Anyways, I've been battling anxiety and depression for as long as i can remember. Its at the point now where i have a panic attack in any social interaction even with my parents. Im very suicidal at the moment, Ive just recently been told by my mum that she tried to commit suicide while she was carrying me, she herself was battling crazy a&d at the time. Ive always been looking for answers as to why i am the way i am to get myself better. However after hearing this 1)my mind is all over the place at the moment and 2) Im scared that my genetics and mind are programmed in a way out of my control that ill never be happy and be able to let everything go. Does anyone have any advice on this or know a case thats similar? Im on anti depression tabs and see a councillor but when everythings said and done and I'm on my own in my own head Im just a sad sad person with so many problems.

[Agora1]

goatnetwork18, whether genetically predisposed to anxiety or depression, you had no reason to be sexually abused as a child. Everything will not go away by itself. You are right in wanting to try a little more in getting answers and an explanation of why it happened??

Holding these emotions in all your life has brought you to this point. Yes, I'm sure the medication has had a lot to do with your emotions surfacing which is a good thing. But...they now need to be addressed and dealt with. Don't let your parents turn this around on you. You were the child who was to be protected by your mom and dad no matter what their state of mind was at the time.

I would say contact your counselor or doctor and let them know of your feelings of being suicidal at this time. Rationally you know that is not the answer. The answer lies with you reaching out and getting the help and guidance you need. Your life stands before you. It doesn't need to be a repeat of your parent's life.

Please let us know that you are safe and you have gotten the help you need. x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thankyou so much for your reply, it may not mean like much to you but I assure you its really helped me and my mindset right now. Its nice to not feel alone. I agree with all you've said, I'm not done with the fight yet. I atleast owe it to my self to surface the truth and get everything on the table before deciding how to move forward. Suicidal thoughts come and go, I'm to aware of life to physically plan anything so for right now Im confident in not doing anything stupid. Ill talk to my councillor about these things and keep praying to who i don't know. I will keep the fight going, thank you so much again, more than you know x

[Pudding098]

I'm in a similar situation, but luckily for me and due to my past, my biggest fear is pain and death which luckily still over rides my daily anxiety, fear, dread and depression. It sounds to me you have very real reasons to feel sad and be in pain, I have had very bad things happen in my life too and despite what people say i know you can't 'positive think' real life bad experiences away such a loosing a loved one or someone hurting you sometimes its about letting yourself actually feel go to a empty beach, scream, cry, kick and punch the sand. i take every day, one at a time and fight my anxiety, i practice self care, where i give myself a pat on the back and self praise for every achievement i make even if its just a tiny thing, I'm not sure where the strength to fight my anxiety comes from, my niece died at 11 and part of me feels the need to fight cos her death taught me how precious life is. I think of all Ive been through and Im still standing, hurt and broken but still standing. I also have genetics worries, both my parents have depression, fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue, but despite that they have accomplished wonderful things with just the hope to improve the lives of others and i think if you dont fight it how on earth can you ever win? I really hope my reply helps, and that u know ur not alone. If you really feel like giving up, please give a few things a try, spend a week where u really explore life just do mental things outside your normal routine. go outside and feel the rain against your skin, eat your favourite food in silence savour every mouth full, go for a run (even if ur unfit) feel the burn of adrenaline through your body and even the pain, go see something beautiful something from nature, even if you just study a daisy, play a badass song or a song that really makes you feel alive, lay in the sun on grass, listen to the beat of your heart or someone you love, let yourself be angry and smash something up... dont worry about money, dont worry about materialistic stuff its relaceable... either by the end of it you'll want to live, or youll want to give up so either way whats the harm in trying 1 week where u really live, i know it wont fix it all but it might just give you a push in a good direction.

[Hidden in reply to Pudding098]

Thankyou so much, it may be strange but I've never heard advice like yours before. I feel those who cannot relate to the thoughts we bear, which ultimately all boil down to similar things will never truly understand. "i know you can't 'positive think' real life bad experiences away" THANKYOU for saying that, I've been hurting myself trying to get those thoughts out of my mind, but what I've gathered from your reply is its ok to have them, its about learning to cope with them and eventually they may ease a little...or not. But ill certainly give your advice a go. Im going to research self care and start practicing all else you've said. I suppose at least its an option, one i didn't have yesterday. Im so sorry to hear about the suffering you've endured. Feel so proud of yourself for how far you've come. Thank you for reaching out to me you've given me new hope.