I think I'm getting depressed

Like I mentioned before I wasn't suffering from anxiety or depression before this hell started but this I spent 2 days blocking those weird attacks my brain automatically send me into depression. That's what my psychiatrist told me. That's when I spent 2 weeks in bed without eating. Eventually I forced myself out of that and I been able to function ok. Now I am back to feeling depressed. I haven't been really eating for 3 days and I just have no sign of joy. I don't remember the last time I laughed. I have been an emotionless zombie since this depersonalization/derealization started but these days it feels different. I just don't know what to take to help me. I don't know if I need to go back to a medicine that's similar to Zoloft or something. Today I feel the same. Forcing myself to do things... like a zombie, sad, no joy, brain going on and on, on edge, waiting to get that freak depersonalization attack, questioning reality. I just don't know what I did to deserve this.

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  • How is your water intake during all of this? Can you make sure you are hydrating lots even though you probably don't feel like doing that, either.

  • I actually drink a lot of water. Ugh

  • Okay, my other concern is your mineral balance. Try Epsom salts baths.

  • I take magnesium and iron, omega, and multi vitamins

  • Awesome! Magnesium gets depleted by our medications and when we are experiencing anxiety - high cortisol levels. The best magnesium is magnesium citrate or what we absorb in the salts.

  • None of us did anything to deserve this. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy! Sometimes what helps me is looking at the kids and saying they don't deserve a depressed anxious mother and that actually interjects my negative thinking sometimes. Even if I don't want to eat or work I am doing it for them. I know everybody says you have to do it for yourself but in an indirect way you are! Keep up those positive thoughts and take a little Xanax!

  • Hopingcat I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know we all can relate.... I spend a lot of time in my cave, as my husband calls our bedroom... curled up in bed all day, with Hans (pup) snuggled up with me. No we don't deserve this, nor do our love ones.... we did nothing. We have to find a way to live..... right now I'm trying to do that .... going to a play, then dinner in sf..... I much rather be at home. I'm trying for my husband, he really wants to see this play, Mother Night , bases on Kurt Vonnegut's book. He's trying to understand my anxiety... it's hard. Well I should try to enjoy my date. I wanted to let you know I understand & care. ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ•Š

  • Thank You. I'm really trying. I been trying for 4 months. Forcing myself and forcing and forcing. It's just sad. When I cuddle with my kids I start crying (without them seeing) because this is hard. I am so terrified of these dissociate attacks. It is the most disturbing and scary thing in the planet. And I feel like I'm stuck in a bubble and that constant feeling of fear because I feel like those attacks are coming 24/7. I just don't know how my anxiety could've gotten so high for this to happen. If I knew I had an anxiety problem I would've gotten help. But I didn't think I did. Enjoy your date!

  • Sorry you're feeling so bad I've changed my Prozac schedule hope it helps me I'm so tired of this kind of life it's not living it's just existing.

  • ๐Ÿ˜ญ

  • I upped my Prozac all I do is sit on iPad or stay on my deck I don't care about anything anymore it's awful to live like thisI don't know what to do.Stomach has been killing me for days been on beef broth and crackers again I went to ER last Thursday a week ago ad CT scan said I had divitilosis hope it don't turn into diverticulitis that's worried me I just can't get a break! Always something wrong with me.

  • You are right. This is not a good way to live but we have to keep trying. I'm sorry about your stomach.. do you take probiotics?

  • Take your xanax I do now if I could make myself take the right dose of Prozac I might be better I'm afraid of medicine..

  • No I should.

  • Magnolia,

    Just got your message and husband is wanting me to come to bed. Wanted to talk to you first. It's after 11 p.m. here.

    You did a lot of discussing yesterday about your situation. You are off on another tangent with all this about depression. You are still over- thinking everything again, instead of following your doctors. Have you taken your Xanax yet? Please, if you are able from your trash section of your computer, pull up all the discussion you had in this venue last night and read it again. Please quit trying to solve this without following the advice and taking your meds as prescribed just to get you balanced long enough to see what is happening. Please stay on target, reread yesterday's conversation, take your meds and just stay focused on doing that for now....stop allowing yourself to go off on a tangent when you don't agree with your psychiatrist about taking your meds. You cannot be the surgeon conducting your own surgery.

    Please just stay focused, take your meds, keep your medical appointments. Don't get side- tracked by trying to think yourself out of the situation.

    Please just focus and give your mind, brain and body a rest. Just accept the situation just for awhile and trust your doctors to get you stable enough to go further.

    Right now it is what it is. Stop trying to change that. Just accept it. Until you do, you are not going to pull out of this because you are not allowing your brain and mind to rest. Part of that rest is your meds taken as prescribed.

    I care about you very much, your husband and kids. :)

  • Thank you..... I didn't take the Xanax but I haven't missed a dose of amitriptyline. I'm honestly scared of the Xanax. I remember taking it when this hell started and it made me high. I have a fear of being high. I think I have ptsd (my phycologist things so too but you know how I feel about him) from that night 18 years ago when I smoked weed and it gave me exactly the same thing I have today. Out of body soul detachment experience. So that's why is so hard for me to pop it in my mouth. But I am going to take it in my purse tomorrow since we are going out of town. You would me surprise at everything I do while crumbling in the inside. Today I did laundry, my house is spotless, took my kids to the pool, took them to the park, fed them, bathe them and all. It just hard that I have to force myself to do that when before these were things I enjoyed. And it's hard to do stuff when you feel like pure crap and your brain wants to detach from your body 24/7... that's so damn freaky! Ugh I'm so over it

  • Please grab onto or accept a diagnosis of PTSD. I am a classic case of PTSD, and you are not showing the classic symptoms of it. Don't latch onto that and get yourself worrying about all that is connected with it.

    I have PTSD for years regarding two matters, one which occurred over a 12 year period of time, and one that was related to very serious collision with a VERY LARGE TRUCK that started a whole menu of changes of my life (medical, some brain injury, no longer being able to practice law, having to have help to straighten out finances so I could live, and so on).......

    My PTSD is not from one minor incidence....Not just smoking one joint, like you did years ago. I also deal with anxiety, depression and sleep issues that have absolutely nothing to do with PTSD.

    I just think the term PTSD is absolutely being used too widely and frequently by people.

    Don't accept it.

    It took a great deal of evaluation including testing, and medical and professional history exam by a number of psychologists and psychiatrists before they agreed that I had PTSD with two issues.

    I was referred to a neuropsychiatrist who knew how to treat me, and to help me separate PTSD from when I am just plain having some anxiety or worry, depression or sadness and sleep problems that have nothing to do with PTSD.

    I care about you and your family. You just go through these episodes of frustration and try to solve your health matters on your own, because you don't agree or allow your doctors the time required to help.

    Please do not try to be your own surgeon, ok? :)

  • We have all been where you are now and we all have revisits. It does and will get better. However i woke up one day and thought "oh well here's another day. I've survived all the others. How about i just survive anotherone but seeing as it's going to happen anyway, why not just stop thinking and just float. Don't worry about that racing heart - had that yesterday and i survived. Don't worry about that spaced out feeling, had that yesterday and made it through. Just enjoy - the day is going to happen anyway so chill". Once i told myself that the feelings didnt go away but my attitude to them did.

    In trying so hard to rid ourselves of this feeling that upsets us so much we actually make it grow. And we get the very thing we are trying so hard to avoid!!!!! Like when you see a pothole in the road on your bike and you tell yourself "dont fall in the pothole don't fall in the pothole don't fall in the pot........oh crap fell in the pothole!".

    Please read the comments that everyone are making. They are wise and true and will help. You are buzzing around like a blue arse fly in a bottle (scuse me I'm australian so that's a saying here for someone doing the same thing with no positive result). Just stop. Read the advice. Stop trying to label everything with a name. Yes you feel like crap. Yea it scares you. Yes you want to be the person you were before. But hey you will never be that person again - but the good thing you will be a better person than before.

    You have made many many posts and replies but have made no "progress". You get back on the forum the next day with more things that have scared you. As suggested re read some of the answers you got and the solution is there. In fact you hold the solution. THE SOLUTION IS YOU. To help and guide you read Claire Weekes and Barry McDonagh. Thats all you need. You don't even need that fancy pants psychiatrist and a cupboard full of supplements (they will help support your nervous and exhausted body but are not the panacea for your problem).

    You just need to stop overthinking and second guessing and ruminating. Oh and take a xanax and enjoy the peace.

    Please. Please. Please. Take our advice. The few core people - agora, jeff, pstd- are experienced recovered sufferers and know what it takes. You have tired mind in a tired body. Give it the rest it deserves to help it heal - and use whatever methods available - medication, forums, meditation, good food, aleep, exercise etc. You will do it and look back on this time as a learning experience and will then be able to help others as we are all TRYING to help you.

    V ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ™๐Ÿž๐Ÿ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒผ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒต๐Ÿ‰

  • Thank you Vbee. Your reply is very honest and kind.

    Hopycat is too intelligent for her own good. :)

  • Hi Hoping Cat, Sorry to read your post. If you don't feel like eating, don't force yourself as you may damage any appetite sensations when you're back on the "treadmill". And you will get there - just stay in touch, even if it's just to say "Hello; Goodbye"! Truly can't recall the last time I really laughed. Any laughs now are spawned out of sarcasm @ the sheer crap of others. Keep your fluids up. Do t really matter what it is just drink little & often.

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