I need some serious reassurance

I wish someone could explain to me these out of body attacks. I have felt this before when I was a teen with marijuana (and NEVER have I touched it again. It's been 18 years) feels like my soul is leaving my body and my vision gets weird like intense tunnel and everything around me including me feels fake. I then stop feeling my body and it feels like I am looking at myself from up top or a screen or something. This is ruining my life. It's like I call it. I can pause and bam it comes. I feel like I am an alien when I try to explain this. I need someone to explain to me with full facts. I asked my psychiatrist and the tells me the same crap " depersonalization is a phenomenal from anxiety" yeah but why does it makes me feel like my damn soul is living my body!!! I don't know why these weird attacks decided to come back 18 years later with just me thinking about it. I feel crazy. I'm just so confused by it. Is it a panic attack that stars with depersonalization/derealization or a depersonalization/derealization attack? I just don't know anymore all I know is that is the scariest thing on earth and I am traumatized and I would like it to stop.


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20 Replies

  • Magnoila, you are driving yourself crazy by over thinking. You're an intelligent woman who is used to being in control of things and accomplishing a great deal.

    "A rose is a rose by any other name." What difference what you call what you are experiencing. Its' ugly root is anxiety. Anxiety or fear manifests itself in so many ways, and if it helps you and your doctor to unravel it by just calling it that, do it.

    What does that psychologist actually talk with you about during your sessions? (I don't mean to be prying into anything confidential)

    If you did not mention depersonalization to your psychologist and just tell him that you are having "those horrible anxiety attacks", I wonder of he would stop spending so much time trying to convince you just to refer to it as your anxiety attacks.

    Is he giving you a game plan so you have some idea where you know what he is directing you to conquer your anxiety episodes?

    Wish I was there to just hug you and reassure you that you will be better.....just wish we knew what plan your psychologist and psychiatrist was.

  • I agree....we need to find a way for you to be with these feelings until they pass. As you learn to tolerate them your fear will lessen and the episodes will hapoen less often.

    Do you use any calming techniques?

  • When those episodes happen I try anything in my power to calm myself down but it's hard and also I get very disoriented. I was blocking these episodes for 2 days in Feb and I had to be taken to the doctors. I guess the brain got exhausted from these attacks and send me into depression. I couldn't get out of bed for 2 weeks. So now 4 months later I can function better but I'm still stuck. It's very scary.

  • Thanks! He really doesn't tell me much. Just that it's anxiety and he was trying for me to have an episode in his office so he can tell me how to deal with it and I refused.

  • Magnolia, you mentioned previously the doctor wanted to see you in one your episodes and you refused. Is that because you don't trust him to be able to help you? Did you ask him point blank what he would do to help you if you agreed?

  • No. That's because I am absolutely horrified at the feeling. It is the scariest thing on the planet. It really feels exactly like I am describing it. Like your soul is leaving your body and you are watching yourself from up top.

  • Ok, Magnolia. I know you are horrified about these anxiety episodes. But do you trust this doctor enough to help you if you have one. Consider asking him how he will help you if you have an episode. This may be the way he can help.

    If you don't trust him enough, do you trust your psychiatrist ?

    For a time I was so affected by anxiety attacks, all I could do was to hang on to the bed, with that horrible anxiety hurting my chest and my service dog just lying next to me. My husband drove me to my neuropsychiarist who met us at the car. I don't remember any of it, except I felt I was holding on to the mast of a ship in "perfect storm." The doctor seeing that caused a change in meds and his approach to his therapy.

  • I don't know if I trust him but I do know that I don't want to feel that ever and I think I do pretty well in calming myself down when I feel it but the after effect is horrific too. You become disoriented and weird. I don't want to be back to when it first started

  • Guess you're in a circle dance....you definitely do not want to experience the attack and the aftermath. I definitely understand that. But you seem to have a doctor that you're not certain you trust to help you experience all that in order to determine how to prevent it. (None of us want surgery, but sometimes it's necessary.)

    If you are controlling it now by yourself, why are you still going to a psychologist you don't trust? Is there another option for you?

    You have been having such a rough four months, I really hate to see you stuck like this. :)

  • I guess because I am really scared and talking to him helps but not fix the problem because sometimes I think he's clueless. I want to believe so bad this is anxiety/panic attacks but it just feels so unreal and freaky. So I guess my brain sucks. Also, when it starts happening I can calm myself down in a second but that one second that I took a peek it still does major damage

  • Well, I actually woke up during a major surgery when I was about 22 years old and told the surgeon that I didn't like that feeling. Guess that was a peek at what could be happening, but I had no choice..the surgeon yelled at the anesthesiologist and I guess I was injected with more drugs. In the hospital room the next day I asked the surgeon if this happened frequently. Man was he surprised when I told him how many people were around me, where he was standing, that he yelled...couldn't believe I had been that awake during the surgery.

    Is your "peek" similar to that horrible waking in surgery? If I hadn't been able to speak, who knows how long I would had been experiencing the surgery.

    You can speak during the "surgery". To spend that kind of money on a psychologist just because you like to talk to him seems to be such a waste....what has happened for your benefit or betterment? It just seems to frustrate you...and his answer is, ok...let me see what you're talking about and let me help. And you don't trust him enough to become VERY freaked out in order for him to see what is going on with you. (Waking up during surgery!)

    You really do think too much. You don't have to BELIEVE that anxiety is the underneath cause of your situation. It is what it is....no matter what you believe, you're not finding the answer by yourself no matter what you call it.

    I wish we didn't live a continent apart.

    Please have a better night and see if you can put that very intelligent brain of yours in "closed for the day" mode and have your five year old sing to you. :)

  • It just feels like I'm having a weird attack. Have you had a panic attack before? Depersonalization/ derealization is very common with panic attacks. After you get all the physical symptoms you can also get Dp/dr... some people do some people don't. Well these episodes I get go straight to Dp/dr and that's very scary. It feels like my soul is leaving my body and now the word around me including me becomes fake. So yeah I just don't know what normal is anymore. It is like my brain is stuck in fight or flight. I knew this was going to take a while to recover but I didn't think it would take more than 4 months because this time I have medication.

  • Have I had a panic attack? Well, PTSD is anxiety incorporated, and sometimes comes in the form of nightmares.

    I think I know what you are talking about, like the world is unreal and your essence isn't in your body.

    (Sounds like a bad LSD trip.)

    You may have the tools to dig out the anxiety if you decide you can handle it with your psychologist, providing you are able to actually describe it verbally while it happens.

    Put your very intelligent brain on hold. I do understand, the best that I can without actually having one of your episodes, what you go through. You don't need to keep trying to explain it, I am listening to you. I believe they happen.

  • I'm thinking yeah like a bad drug trip. I just don't know what else to do

  • Well, as we just learned, what you can do....take your psychiatrist's rx of Xanax. :)

  • I'm so sorry. Could it possibly be a new medication or new food or new chemical in your environment causing this new issue?

  • I was not on any medication. This is my first time ever on medication. I am on amitriptyline. I really don't know where this hell came from. I was happy and fine and then bam.

  • I'm certainly not a doctor, but I highly suspect that medicine as the cause. It's always trial and error with psychotropics, and sometimes we can have some really wacko side effects. ☹️

  • I wasn't on medication when this started. I got on medications because of these episodes that my doctor kept saying is a phenomenal from anxiety and we needed take care of the anxiety first. This just sucks. I just want my life back

  • Okay, I see. So, I think you need something else to help you through the dp episodes. You need a panic medicine such as Xanax, a benzodiazepine.

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