The minute I open my eyes

The minute I open my eyes in the morning I feel my body full of anxiety. I am sure is because this depersonalization/derealization crap. It feeds off anxiety and fear. It's ridiculous. My stomach feels weird, my heart is pounding, and I always feel like I'm ready to run. It is exhausting.


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68 Replies

  • I feel like that too, especially with countdown to starting work. I hate the feeling so much. I am also still struggling with these stupid headaches and neck ache that is never ending, I actually started amytriptaline to see if will help with the pain. I did end up going to dinner with a friend which was hell at first but got better with time and I went to the zoo yesterday which I almost left after 30 minutes but then I ended staying for 3 hours, I didn't feel good but I was happy I made myself stay Any plans for today? I hope you are feeling better now!

  • Hey

    I'm glad you went out and stayed out. That's a really good thing. Today I just have my regular day and I do have a doctors appointment(obgyn). This weekend we are going out of town and I hope it goes smooth. Going to take the kids to a couple of places. I remember 4 months ago when this use to be fun. Now it's a struggle. It sucks. What were you feeling when you went to dinner and the zoo? Pure anxiety or that weird feeling?

  • I kind of get nauseous, dizzy and the stupid wanting to flee feeling with all activities and I have to give myself a pep talk to stay. During dinner I kind of felt stoned due to the fluorescent lights and at first had no appetite but it did get better by the end. I actually was going to have someone pick me up from the zoo yesterday due to feeling shaky, dizzy and overall out of it

    but then I stayed because I did not want anxiety to defeat me. It's really hard because I am fighting physical symptoms like fatigue and the stupid pain as well as the mental ones. I think you will have a great time this weekend, it will be nice to get away.

  • That damn flee feeling is horrific. And don't let me get started on that light issue. Nightmare. I am hoping that maybe the doctor today will order some hormone testing or something. Since my regular doctor is useless

  • I was hoping my gynocologist would do that as well but no recommendations for that. She gave me birth control pills and I took 2 pills and I started getting more anxious so I stopped, i am on so many meds right now, I am focusing on psych meds at this time. Maybe when I start feeling better, I may start back on the pills again, we will see,

  • Yes ! I was just going to make a post similar to yours ! First I was all worried about my stomach. And now it's moved on . I was in line to eat on Mother's Day and all of a sudden I felt so strange like I was going to pass out . It was so bad . I started shaking and felt like I was off balance and couldn't walk right. But I remember before I got to the restaurant I felt like my breathing was off . Anyway it happened multiple times at Walmart as well . I feel like I'm walking on a cloud and can't balance myself right. And sometimes out of nowhere I get that same lightheaded faint feeling and it almost feels like my mouth is numb. I went to the er and my regular doctor. All my tests are fine . Tomorrow I'm going for a ultrasound of my heart. My doctor is sure he won't find anything but wants to possibly put me on a beta blocker. To control my heart rate. I'm still worried I'll get a phone call saying something is wrong. But now I feel like I'm really starting to let anxiety control me because I'm avoiding things . Going out , cleaning, folding my laundry. I got myself out of a very anxious time before. I can do it again the problem is i think I forgot how . I love going out to eat and shopping! No way I can't let this get me to the point that I want to lay around because I want to study this feeling and I'm worried that I'll faint. Geeezzzzzz !

  • I really don't know how to explain this feeling. I don't know if this is the same feeling you get when you are in dangerous but since it's coming with no dangerous then it feels different. But it really does feel like I fake freak out of body detachment attack. It is scary. I am so over this. It's such a shame that it's 2017 and they still don't ha emu he help for mental issues. For months ago I loved cooking, shopping, makeup, taking my kids everywhere and now I have to force myself. It's torture. I never know when I'm going to have those weird episodes but I can really call it and stop it. It's the wierdnest thing

  • I understand it's hard to explain the way we feel . I posted a link if you want to go have a look at it and it kind of like explain some of the symptoms and why we feel the way that we feel .

  • I think this feeling I am feeling has to do more with depersonalization/derealization. It literally feels like I am out of my body looking at myself in a fake world when I get these episodes and it sicks bad because I'm already walking around feeling like I am in a dream and Thank God I am not looking at people are they are aliens amymore.

  • Like when I type sometimes on my phone I feel like my hands aren't real or something or that they feel like really light .You know What I just did !? like I was feeling so crappy that I put on some Latin music and I started dancing around my house and like I got chills all over my body just by doing that ! I understand what you're talking about like you feel like everything is like so strange and unreal because I feel like that too but I also have like feelings of panic along with it sometimes .

  • Me too. Feeling of panic hits me and I want to run and scream

  • I also feel like I'm high or something. I haven't smoked weed in a while because of the way it made me feel . And if you never have smoked then I describe this feeing l as if I just woke up yet it stays all day .

  • Well I smoked weed when I was a teen and it set off the biggest panic attack of my life with tunnel vision and out of body detatchemed. I kept screaming I felt like my soul was leaving my body and that I was watching myself from up top...... then when I went home and went to sleep I woke up the next day feeling exactly the same. Stuck for over a year suffering... I never touched weed again. I'm 36 now and all I did was think about that night while I was in the shower and BAM!!! Same symptoms without the weed and here I am... stuck AGAIN

  • Yes ! Got really paranoid and for some reason I thought I Peed on myself but I didn't and I guess I was sweating so much like in between my legs. But I have that heavy feeling. And sometimes when I'm talking to my doctor or a friend I feel like I zone out a everything will get fuzzy . The worst part is the lightheadedness I think.

  • When that happened to me I was on full tunnel vision and I kept telling my friend to clean my glasses because they were dirty and all I say was yellow but my glasses weren't dirty. I was just in panic detachment mode. For me the scariest feeling is that fake dream attack. It feels horrific and I am terrified of it. For years I feared it after that one day. And now it's back after 18 years and I'm stuck. You take any medication?

  • No . They gave me Lexapro but I had a really really bad panic attack while taking it so I never tried it again . I have a child to take care of and I don't have time to be more anxious than I already am .

  • I hate those medinces. I tried Zoloft and that didn't work and now I am on Amitrypiline that helps with sleep thank god. I have 3 kids and I have been able to take care of the like normal. They can't even tell something is wrong. But in the inside I feel crazy. More like battling the weird fake feeling attacks. It's hard

  • It's ok to be a bit crazy, have come a long way,

    but I wish anxiety and all that comes with could just be put out with garbage. With my luck, the trash people would probably just throw it back with a bag of someone else's

    Well, change never stops, so as tedious as it is, over the last few weeks, you are writing as though the change is slowly for the better. Thought you'd like to hear that, as sometimes we get so caught up in the daily quagmire of dealing with our situations, we can't really see if we are making progress.

    To me, you seem to be. :)

  • It sucks because we see so stubborn when it comes to this anxiety stuff. So frustrating and scary

  • I know....I know... I used to hate even waking up in the morning if I had a night when I actually slept, as I knew that intense constant anxiety that centered in my chest would be there as soon as I was fully awake. Told my neuro-psychiatrist that I was actually disappointed that I woke up. He looked puzzled and said, "you should feel grateful." As good a doctor as he has been, I knew then he had never experienced anxiety that intensely.

  • Hi Cat,

    I find it really interesting that this whole episode for you was triggered just by thinking about the past experience you had with this. In the years between episodes did you have other times when you thought about your past experience and did it trigger anything? In all the years in between spells of this did you have no trace of the symptoms of dp/dr or anxiety.? What prompted you to start thinking about it in the shower that day? Did it just pop into your head or were you feeling a bit strange and you identified it with the previous experience so it came to mind?

  • All these years after that happened I always fear that feeling. And from time to time I would think about it because I was very confused and I would get scared. This time I thought about it and I got stuck. I don't know why.

  • Those other times when you thought about it did it produce the feeling or just this time ?

  • For 18 years after that happened I could think about it and sometimes I could feel it but stop it right away. It was the weirdnest thing. The same feeling as when I got high. It's seriously like an out of body fake attack. Anyways I use to think about it because I was very confused about it. No one back then knew what that was. And this time in my bathroom I thought about it and I all of a sudden I started fighting it off. For 2 days straight this feeling kept coming the minute I opened my eyes. Finally I went to the doctor and explained and he was looking at me all types of insane and gave me medicine and sent me to see a phycologist. By this time I had also made an appointment with a psychriatrist. So yeah now I'm stuck.

  • It's really strange isn't it? The fact that you produced the feeling just by remembering it yet are now unable to control it? Can you identify anything different between the time you thought about it during the previous years and the time in the shower? Did it scare you more for some reason or did you have a higher background level of stress/anxiety?

  • I don't really know what set it off this time like a monster. But it deffinetly came with more stuff. Hyper awareness of existence, feeling like I'm completely detached, my brain kept going and going and I couldn't stop the thinking, I thought I was going insane, people and surroundings looked weird and fake, feeling like this was all part of my imagination,3D intense vision, and so on. Back then I think I just got hit with the fake dream feeling, the attacks, and the vision. I don't remember being so disoriented and I didn't get depression back then. This time the brain sent me on depression from this.

  • It's all so difficult to figure out isn't it? Our brains can produce some really scary feelings and on the one hand it feels like we bring it on ourslelves with our thinkingandnout fear of it yet at the same time it then becomes totally out of our control and we can't stop it. I have some kind of weird dp type symptom where I feel like my life and self are fake or different in some way to how I formally perceived them. Very hard to describe. I don't actually have any physical symptoms like visual changes or feeling out of body. My thoughts and whole concept of myself just feel so awful and strange. Just having the thought that I am a person or thinking of a memory of myself in the past gives me a surge of dread and an awful feeling I can't explain. Like everything I thought was reality actually isn't and I'm seeing things as they really are. What were the thoughts that you couldn't stop thinking? Was it just thoughts about the fact that everything felt dreamlike and looked strange etc?

  • I have the exact same feeling as you plus more. My thoughts about exicstente are about how are we humans and how am I an individual and the same as you... when I think about me and before I get a doom feeling. It's like my reality switch is off and I'm stuck in a dream world. This is hell. Today I feel terrible too.

  • I hate that doom feeling you describe so much. It's so horrible and it makes you feel like you need to figure something out but you don't know what. I've had 2 really bad weeks after having felt some improvement and I'm finding it hard to cope. Even feeling suicidal at times. Although I'd never act on those feelings because I have 3 kids that need me. I really feel your pain. I know from your posts that you have kids too. Does your dp effect how you feel about them.? One of my most disturbing feelings is a terrible feeling that I don't love them. I can't feel my connection to them and when I try to I just get that doom feeling instead of feeling the normal love feeling I would have. I also get a really weird guilt like feeling too associated with the doom. Horrible :(

  • I know what you mean. Dp/dr makes you emotionless but trust me you love them. It's just your trapped inside your head and you can feel or think about anything else but how you feel. Since I had this before and researched it and read a lot, when it hit I spend most of my time around my kids. Just hanging in their rooms and cuddling or having sleep over in my bed so I wouldn't feel like I didn't love them. Thank god that helped. I was like a zombie but slowly I got my emotions back. I couldn't even cry! That's how numb I was. Now I feel like crying and I cry and it feels damn good. So this nightmare slowly improves but it's hard to feel any improvement but it's hard to tell because you feel so damn awful. And I lost myself too. I don't even know who I am anymore. It's like I have no personality no nothing. I'm just here. This sucks the life out of you.

  • Jenrolil, I too have had DP/DR on and off for years and have had those exact feelings of being detached, and not being able to love my family. I the past, i"ve just been able to get on with life and it's gone away but this time it's taken a hold with a vengeance. I feel like I'm going to have this forever. The anxiety that sits in the pit of my stomach and the feeling of hopelessness is awful. I can relate to all that you have described. It's absolute hell. How are you feeling now? How long have you been feeling this way? I've been here since December and I feel like I've got so far and got stuck. Yes, some days I feel suicidal, but I don't have a plan. I'm at work which is helpful to a point. It's not stressful, but not enough to distract me out of this mind loop, as I had hoped. I'm on Lexapro and it might help a bit I'm not sure. Sometimes I wonder if it's the meds that are causeing the prolonged anxiety, but I think that that's just wishful thinking that it would be that simple. Let me know how you are doing. We are all in this together.

  • When you thought about those symptoms did you kind of think about them and then get like a electric shock feeling or sudden jolt or something like that and then the symptoms started to come back? That's what usually happens to me, or something else scares me and then I spiral out of control to "oh my god, I'm actually going to die one day" and that's it. I go into the whole anxiety/DP/DR again.

  • I just felt like this sick fear. I was on my way to pickup my kids. I got up and all of a sudden I started looking around and BAM! I got a sick fear and my vision zoomed and I started to feel like my soul was leaving my body and I was looking at myself from up top. Then I ran to my fridge I grabbed some ice and started telling myself to calm down. I made it to my kids school but we rushed home and my husband had to come home. And the nightmare started.

  • It is a nightmare! I wish I was anxious about normal stuff! But i guess if you are anxious it doesn't matter what it's about, it can make you feel the same. Fear sucks!

  • I feel like I need to be medicated with some heavy duty stuff even though I can function. But this battle I have going on with my brain is horrific. I just found a new psychiatrist and I'm hoping this one can help. I don't know how I didn't do something stupid to myself when I had this as a teen. I can't believe I actually lived with this until I finally snap out of it. Insane!

  • Is this the same as then, or worse this time?

  • It is came back like a monster. I have way more symptoms now than before. This hell hit me so bad I even got depression. I never knew what depression was until this hell. But one thing that didn't change was those stupid soul leaving body attacks. Those are exactly the same. Terrifying and disturbing

  • Are you taking any supplements? According to Patrick Holford in his book, Optimal Nutrition for the Mind, he says that if you have symptoms such as: feeling unreal or disconnected, hearing your own thoughts, anxiety and inner tension, inability to think straight, seeing or hearing thngs abnormally, having delusions or illusions amongst other things is caused by faulty methylation and B vitamin deficiency. Some people need more than others, and especially in times of stress. Wouldn't it be awesome if all of us DP/DR sufferers could just up their vitamin B levels and feel better! You can't overdose on B's, you just excrete what you don't need, so if you're not on them, it's worth giving them a shot. I have B's in my multi, plus a B complex, I take B5 on it's own and then B6 is with the GABA which i take twice a day. In the evening, I'm definitely starting to feel a little bit better!

  • I see a holistic doctor and she checked for vitamin b and I was good. The only thing that wasn't right was my morning cortisol. That was borderline low and she said I have adrenal fatigue. I been taking the supplement she gave me for that and I'm still crazy so that must not be it. She also checked my neurotransmitters and I get the results of that on Tuesday. I know people say this test is not accurate but I don't care. I'm desperate. Hopefully she gives me something else from whatever the results tell her.

  • I feel you my ANXIETY is krazy wit krazy symptoms everyday it gets pretty hard I'm trying to look for work but man anxiety disorder and panic disorder is bad I can't go do half the things I wanna do

  • I know it really does suck bad. I start feeling ok and then I'm hit by more craziness.

  • But you said you are getting better from Dp/dr? What helped?

  • Well I started taking Zoloft and I felt better normal again so I got off them and as soon as I got off I felt bad again so now I'm trying to get back on them

  • How long did Zoloft take to work

  • It took almost a month but I hate side effects but I said I gotta do something

  • Sergio5 can I ask what side effects did you experience ?

  • Dizzy and stomach pain but it goes away with time

  • How long were you on the medication before you stopped? You had this fake dream feel and everything and it went away and you were normal with Zoloft?

  • I was on it 6months and I was feeling better and got off but when I got off everything came back even worse but meds help the symptoms better

  • Have you tryed meds???

  • Yep. I tried Zoloft for 6 weeks and made things worse and I had to come off it.

  • Yea I hate pills I wish we both could feel normal again my anxiety symptoms are krazy all day every day I haven't took my Zoloft meds yet because I'm scared of side effects again so I might not take them

  • The side effects are scarier than this nightmare? I would take them. I would take anything to help myself get out of this hell. For myself and my kids.

  • Yea your right every body keeps telling me to take them but damn I'm nervous about how ima feel on them again

  • But you said it helped you.. just gave you stomach pain that went away....... I would take them. What are your symptoms now?

  • Yea it helped but them side effects tho and ritenow my symptoms are feeling weird headache DIZZY spells sometimes lightheaded head feels foggy safercation feeling like I'm not sick but my nose gets clogged up outta no where

  • And then the Zoloft have sex drive messed up that's the part I hate the most

  • I have the same . Even the clogged nose . I have no idea why . Sometimes i think want if this is allergies or has something to do with sinus. Idk either way it sucks . And I'm with you in the meds . They made me feel worse. I couldn't take it .

  • I don't even know if I have allergies but if feels sometimes like I can't breathe through my nose out of now where it's weird and how would I kno if I have allergies??????

  • Best but most definite answer is to a doctor who specializes in this field and be tested.

  • You could even try some allergy medicine as well . It shouldn't hurt you . Or sinus pills . And see how you feel .

  • Ok yea I'll try that because that safercation feeling nose stuffy be making my anxiety symptoms go KRAZY

  • It is so exhausting girl. I feel for you. 🤗

  • Maybe you expect to wake up with it so now you do.

  • Exactly I dwell over all my symptoms I can't believe this is me I'm still in denial yet I get so mad at myself because I know all of it is me but I can't control when I'm going to have a panic attack I can't control when I'm gonna get anxiety I can't control the fact that I feel like I'm walking on a cloud and that I'm going to pass out in my fingers constantly shaky I can't stop that . But I can stop being scared of it . Can just lay here or sit here or stand here or be cleaning and just let it happen ! The feelings I feel right now are so damn uncomfortable .I feel like I go to it on bended knee when it happens . Prepare myself for this strange feeling saying next time it happens I won't get me but then I let it sometimes I'm able to ride the wave and sometimes it breaks me .

  • I have the same problem. It's hard to go to sleep at night and than in the morning it's a fight to get up

  • This is very normal with anxiety and I get it when I am really stressed out. I recently suffered a bout of vertigo -positional vertigo - which is common also among anxiety suffers - and everyday, waking up seems unreal. It's like you wait for the dizziness or perhaps you wake up thinking about your anxiety

    I recommend the book the feel good handbook and to do some of the exercises before bed. You need to shift your thoughts and your focus

  • Welcome to my world

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