Just got back from Breakfast with a friend

So I just got back from having breakfast with a friend for the first time since this hell started almost 4 months ago. It went well for the most part. I was chatting it up but VERY aware of my surroundings and at one point I paused to see if I was going to panic. It's almost like I'm calling it. Anyways, after we were done and were walking to the car she told me she could tell something is up. She said I normally would be laughing hysterically at any little thing and loud and this time she noticed me quite and aware of everything. This made by so sad. I got in my car and fought tears because I want to be back to myself. This depersonalization/derealixation is the PURE DEVIL. I am sick and tired of feeling like I'm in a damn dream and so aware of my existence. I'm tired of the brain messing with me. I'm tired of being so detached from my body and sorroundings. I'm actually not even having a bad day but this body and brain are going to drive me insane!


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18 Replies

  • I feel your pain but I think you need to look at this from a different perspective and also understand that it is all going pass.

    Its been 4 months you said and you are out and about. That is really good news. There is no easy fix to all of this. It really is as simple as living your life and knowing that these feeling of derealization go away as time passes. Of course, if you think about it a ll the time it takes longer, but I would challenge you to do the same things as you did before even though you have these feelings. It does take time and some patience but once you start seeing improvement (which I know you will) you will soon realize that it is going away. It does come back from time to time BUT now you know that it will go away just as fast.

  • I know but the hardest part is that I lose hope since I actually been doing everything I normally would do. When this started I was a mess and stayed in bed for 2 weeks. Then after that I forced myself to do everything. Now I can function but I'm on high alert all day and with these fake feeling all day. The 3D vision makes things worst too. Thank You! I do have to keep going and not think about it but it's almost imposible. You know the brain really messes with us because I actually had this before when teen and got better so deep down inside somewhere I know that I can get better but it's almost like my common sense is turned off. Hard to explain......

  • I totally get it. Same here. I had this as a kid and had to learn again how to cope. But focus on this day and this day only without needing to think about the future. The progress you've made is clearly positive and it is only going to get better.

    If you think about it, you control it, it doesn't control you. The reason why I know this is because YOU are the one focused on the smallest feelings, when truthfully you don't have to. You'll ffeel them but you dont need to focus on them. That means you have control. =)

    If you ever need anything PM me. The best way to get your focus off something is to occupy it with something else. Can't think of two different things at the same time. =)


  • Just the fact that you went out and had breakfast with your friend is wonderful. Pat yourself on the back. You did great today. Very proud of you. Baby steps. Stop beating yourself up, give yourself some credit😊

  • I have had a terrible few days with this and I am starting to notice that the more I think about it the worse it gets. If i just accept it for what it is and keep going on about my business and try not to over think everything and just stay busy so I don't get caught up in my own thoughts it starts to go away and things start to get a little clearer. I am going to try to go home and clean my car, weed the yard and play with the kids tonight while I am waiting for hubby to get home. Hoping this will help and hoping I will finally get some good sleep because I will be exhausted and my mind won't be going a million miles and hour. Also helps when I play the big fish hidden object games online. Really keeps my mind occupied. Hope things start getting better for both of us.

  • You are right. last month I couldn't control my thoughts at all. This month I am able to shut down some thoughts but the vision makes things really bad and just the feelings and sensations of fakeness drive me insane. I have been trying to keep busy for 4 months now but it's horrificly hard. I am going home to clean and get the kids to the park later. I am glad that they are not affected by this since I force myself to do everything for them.

  • You just have to keep going out and doing what you normally would. It takes a while but it will eventually subside. What gave me comfort was realizing it's just that your brain is overwhelmed. It's not permanent you just need to really focus on something anything else for a while. I believe in hind sight that I did bring it on myself. Being dizzy was my fear it was always there. I stopped being scared after a long struggle and suddenly I went a week without it. You can't be anxious about what you aren't anxious about....

  • This brain needs to snap back to reality. It's driving me nuts. I hope to one day laugh at the ridiculous thoughts and feelings this Dp/dr had me freaking out about.

  • Hi HopingCat, I'm sorry you still have this derealization thing, I only had it very mild about 40 years ago, it was like 'not being there' or watching everything on tv. As you know I'm always going on about acceptance as the answer to most things like a broken gramophone record (who remembers gramophone records) but I know it's so upsetting for you that you can't accept it. I understand that. But to look at it another way, the feeling of derealization must be caused by anxiety so maybe ask yourself what is causing you anxiety? If you can identify this then you could maybe deal with it byvputting your needs first.

    I'm no seer but here's what I think will happen. You will gradually get used to this bad feeling as more time goes by. You'll get used to it and still manage to get on with your life. If you think about it 'getting used to it' is a form of involuntary 'acceptance' ie acceptance that happens despite you not because of you which is the usual form it takes.

    Then you'll suddenly realise that you're having periods of time when you're free from the derealisation. More time passes and the time you're free from it is greater than the time you experience it. Eventually you stop and think and realise you haven't had the bad feeling for quite a while.

    That's how I think it will play out for you. Of course it's not the instant cure you want. But it does offer you the reassurance that you will recover sometime and that's a thought worth hanging on to because there are loads of people in the world with illness and they aren't ever going to get better. But you are.

    You are a very brave woman to go through this so far so you know you have what it takes to see you through until your recovery whenever that may be. You are going to pass through this and re-engage with normality but exactly when is not within my gift to tell you.


  • Hello Magnolia. In a number of your correspondences, you stated you were feeling or going "nuts". No, it's been long enough for you to be nuts, if that was going to happen. And it hasn't. If you consider your friend to also be a confidente that you trust with keeping your private matters private, you might want to share with her what is going in with you, since she was sensitive enough to pick up that you were different at lunch. I have one friend I consider a confidente, and she has been very valuable over the years in letting me know if she felt I was "out of tune", or if she noticed I appeared to be in very good state. I know she will tell me the truth and will not tell anybody.

  • Good for you for going out to breakfast. I haven't gotten there yet but hope to soon! I feel like I am going into a slump right now due to this continuous neck pain and headaches and shakiness My annoying psychiatrist is not responding to any of my messages Well off to clean like you and try to ignore my symptoms as much as possible Have an great time at the park!

  • Keep strong noemikahle and going forward. You will get there as well. :)

  • Thank you for your encouragement, I need it!

  • noemikahle, it's not easy I know. I have continuous neck pain as well but the headaches are gone. Shakiness comes upon me whenever I'm overly stressed. It's just our bodies way to say "cool it" lol Take care x

  • I am seeing a chiropractor for the neck pain but I think he made it worse, it sucks! The shakiness I can't figure out because I am fine with walking but other tasks like cleaning the house get me all shaky. My muscles also shake with exertion, it could be anxiety, side effects from celexa or overall being deconditioned from Lyme. My psychiatrist is not responding to my messages so it's so frustrating. For now I am completing tasks shaky and in pain but I would so like to feel comfortable in my own skin.

  • I do get the shakiness as well but like you move on with what needs to be done. My psychiatrist has seen that happen when in his office and I'm holding on to my purse. He says, "ANXIETY"..

    As I'm writing this I have a microwavable heat pak around my neck and shoulders. More than the pain it's the tightness that gets to me. It feels like the weight of the world is on my neck. I do understand.

    Last but not least and this is my opinion only, I do not like anyone, I mean anyone touch or manipulate my neck. x

  • Yes I do feel like my head is very heavy, I know the feeling. I do think the shakiness is anxiety but my PCP thought it might be med related. If I ever get hold of my psychiatrist I would like to see what his opinion is. Have a great day

  • You too. x

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