Hi! I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while. Life has been incredibly busy. My anxiety was better for about 2-3 weeks, then yesterday BOOM! It came back. I have figured out, from this recent bout of anxiety, that my trigger is feeling vulnerable/helpless/powerless. As soon as I feel powerless, even with the smallest thing, my anxiety acts up and I begin to imagine all of these different scenarios where I might also be helpless/powerless and I wonder how I would deal with them? Yesterday and today's helpless/powerless scenarios are:
- What will I do when my mom passes away (she's perfectly healthy now, but how will I cope then?)
This one is an oldie, but goodie
- What will I do when I am in a nursing home and forced to rely on others? (Old thought)
- If I lose my job, what will I do for a living? (Old thought)
- What if I can't afford my home because I lose my job, where will I live? (Old thought)
- What will I do when Annie, my dog, passes? She keeps me going most days (Old thought)
- What will I do if education here in the US gets privatized? (I'm a teacher) (New worry)
- What will I do if K-12 education goes the way of colleges and universities and my job depends on good reviews from students? I don't want my job to depend on a kid who is looking for a way to get back at me for giving him a detention for excessive tardiness. (New worry)
I try to counter these worries with the idea that I will cope the same way I handled every other tough thing in my life- by taking it a step at a time and a day at a time. I've survived the death of my alcoholic father who I watched slowly kill himself. I survived moving 1,500 miles away from my mother and starting a teaching career on my own. I survived the death of my grandfather, who was like my second father. I survived having to put Buddy, my 16 year-old dog who I had had since I was 10, down six weeks later. I survived moving back to the same area where my mother lives and giving notice at my old job without having a new job all while completing my masters degree. I have faced enormous hurdles in my life and come sailing through with flying colors. I know I can do the same again.
In the meantime, any consolation, words of wisdom, advice? Thank you for reading such a long post.