Back Again

Hi! I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while. Life has been incredibly busy. My anxiety was better for about 2-3 weeks, then yesterday BOOM! It came back. I have figured out, from this recent bout of anxiety, that my trigger is feeling vulnerable/helpless/powerless. As soon as I feel powerless, even with the smallest thing, my anxiety acts up and I begin to imagine all of these different scenarios where I might also be helpless/powerless and I wonder how I would deal with them? Yesterday and today's helpless/powerless scenarios are:

- What will I do when my mom passes away (she's perfectly healthy now, but how will I cope then?)

This one is an oldie, but goodie

- What will I do when I am in a nursing home and forced to rely on others? (Old thought)

- If I lose my job, what will I do for a living? (Old thought)

- What if I can't afford my home because I lose my job, where will I live? (Old thought)

- What will I do when Annie, my dog, passes? She keeps me going most days (Old thought)

- What will I do if education here in the US gets privatized? (I'm a teacher) (New worry)

- What will I do if K-12 education goes the way of colleges and universities and my job depends on good reviews from students? I don't want my job to depend on a kid who is looking for a way to get back at me for giving him a detention for excessive tardiness. (New worry)

I try to counter these worries with the idea that I will cope the same way I handled every other tough thing in my life- by taking it a step at a time and a day at a time. I've survived the death of my alcoholic father who I watched slowly kill himself. I survived moving 1,500 miles away from my mother and starting a teaching career on my own. I survived the death of my grandfather, who was like my second father. I survived having to put Buddy, my 16 year-old dog who I had had since I was 10, down six weeks later. I survived moving back to the same area where my mother lives and giving notice at my old job without having a new job all while completing my masters degree. I have faced enormous hurdles in my life and come sailing through with flying colors. I know I can do the same again.

In the meantime, any consolation, words of wisdom, advice? Thank you for reading such a long post.

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3 Replies

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  • EdanaBrietta, those are a lot of worries that none of us can have much control of. We get into trouble when we project down the road as to the "what ifs"...Living in the present moment is all we have. It will reduce anxiety and stress. We are stronger than we think. When push comes to shove, an inner strength will surface. Meanwhile, take each day as it comes and live. x

  • Thank you. I try to take each day as it comes. I am under a lot of stress right now, so I don't think that's helping the situation. I was doing well and stayed in the present for about three weeks. But it came back out of nowhere. The thought of losing my mother is the biggest one. I don't know how I'll cope. I have friends, but very little family left and I am single. I just imagine myself collapsing and being unable to do anything once she passes.

  • So...you're a teacher too...well there you have it! I'm only kidding but if you haven't done it it might be hard to explain how tough it can bet on a psyche. However in your case you've dealt with enough to earn a badge of anxiety. Luckily it sounds like you have had success in the past. I believe you can achieve it against.

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