Damn you depersonalization/derealization hell

Patiently waiting for this nightmare to end. I must be a good actor because everyone tells me how good I look and how I look back to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore. I'm just going with the flow and hoping to snap back to reality. I think the worst symptoms for me it's the damn hyper awareness about existence and the fake dream land feel. I don't even know how this is a form of protection from the brain. I don't feel protected at all. I feel crazy and scared out my mind. So ridiculous. Almost 4 months of this hell. I'm not feeling any worse than before so that's good I guess.....

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9 Replies

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  • I think many of us wear a mask when we're forced out into the community. I hate it most when folk stop you to talk on the Main Street. If they could only see the chaos & panic that's going on inside my head.

  • I know... it's just so terrible. I don't remember the last time I felt joy and happiness. And it's hard for me because this just came out of nowhere. I just sit back and think constantly on how I ended up like this with no warning. IT SUCKS

  • I'm getting more & more reluctant to venture outdoors. I've suffered seizure in public before & find the situation by hard on deal with when I wake up having provided a few minutes amusement for the "rubber- neckers"!

  • You have to force yourself to do it. When this hell first started I refused to go outside and stayed in bed and finally I had enough. Now I can go anywhere.... scared but I still do it. Can't let the brain control your life. Do it little by little.

  • I agree on the outside we look normal but on the inside it's a hurricane. I often ask is this my new normal.

  • I really hope not.......

  • But wouldn't it be a blast occasionally to actually act as crazy as loons in a safe place, where absolutely no one knew who we were, wear out ourselves out doing it so anxiety would have no energy to feed on for awhile, and we could fall down laughing and feeling what "normal" is......:)

  • Probably be so fun if we lived near each other and we could hang and act out LOL!

  • Yes, and be loons together on the beach at sundown!

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