I am afraid that recently I have been detaching myself from reality. I often wonder if anything I see is real or just a figment of my imagination. I also find myself wondering if I myself am real.
It all started around 4 years ago when Instead of socialising, I would look at the universe, planets, the black hole etc... I was never really obsessed. Two years later, I'm obsessive, putting all of my free time into thinking and researching the universe (sometimes theories). At the time I became obsessed, I started to look at philosophy. I started to lose sense of what was reality and what was a dream. I just never know if I was awake then or now? Which is which? Which is reality? The one person that I thought I could trust thinks that I am entirely mad, ludicrous. Is she just part of a dream? I am afraid that I keep getting emptier and emptier, more lost, more dull.
'Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.'
I feel somewhat the same.