Do you feel normal? Do you remember what normal felt like? And if not, why do you think someone who doesn’t remember normal tries so desperately to connect to a place and time that no longer exists, even in memory? Would it not be better to embrace the insanity that has become your life, your routine etc?
Some would say that my statement is in fact insane and given by a man who suffers from lunacy. I on the other hand have tired, (and I am certain some of you are with me), I have tired of trying and pushing myself to be normal, or at least appear to be in certain circumstances.
All eyes on me so to say when I come around family. How is he? Is he taking meds? He didn’t seem himself. Let’s keep in mind that my day job is wearing and suit and speaking to clients with some of the largest corporations around the globe…It is hard, but I put the mask on and do presentations, webinars, face to face meetings and so on. I provide very well for my family. So why after hours when I am not having to be that person, can I not be myself? I am the weird one who will leave the table while eating out and roam around because I get scared. You can find me texing myself, or typing my problems and issues into a diary app on my phone. You can find me hiding in the car at times because I don’t want to go in somewhere. That is me. At 45 this is me. Since 30, this has been me. At 33 (I included a throwback pic of me at 33) it was cool to be me. The weird one, mysterious, artistic, singer songwriter, painter, writer of words. I was odd and it was an attraction for some it seemed. At 45, It is an awful disease I wish I did not have.