Normal why?

Normal why?

Do you feel normal? Do you remember what normal felt like? And if not, why do you think someone who doesn’t remember normal tries so desperately to connect to a place and time that no longer exists, even in memory? Would it not be better to embrace the insanity that has become your life, your routine etc?

Some would say that my statement is in fact insane and given by a man who suffers from lunacy. I on the other hand have tired, (and I am certain some of you are with me), I have tired of trying and pushing myself to be normal, or at least appear to be in certain circumstances.

All eyes on me so to say when I come around family. How is he? Is he taking meds? He didn’t seem himself. Let’s keep in mind that my day job is wearing and suit and speaking to clients with some of the largest corporations around the globe…It is hard, but I put the mask on and do presentations, webinars, face to face meetings and so on. I provide very well for my family. So why after hours when I am not having to be that person, can I not be myself? I am the weird one who will leave the table while eating out and roam around because I get scared. You can find me texing myself, or typing my problems and issues into a diary app on my phone. You can find me hiding in the car at times because I don’t want to go in somewhere. That is me. At 45 this is me. Since 30, this has been me. At 33 (I included a throwback pic of me at 33) it was cool to be me. The weird one, mysterious, artistic, singer songwriter, painter, writer of words. I was odd and it was an attraction for some it seemed. At 45, It is an awful disease I wish I did not have.


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3 Replies

  • Living with ourselves is sometimes the most difficult challenge in life, but something we're stuck with

  • Accept who you are or you'll never be at peace.

    Pretending to be someone you are not, naturally, is exhausting. I think it's OK to put on a hat and sing a song for the right cause, like providing for your family, but only if you can maintain it. If your endurance is wearing out find a way to make it interesting or challenging again....or move on.

  • Sounds like you lost yourself pursuing life not aligned with your soul. Often we wake up and see medicrocity in how we live. How did we get there exactly? Why did we chose to go where we went? Was it entirely our choice? Was it ego? What exactly was it? Who knows. What you know is that you woke up and see the reality if not being yourself experiencing it as abomination of sorts. We are often so deep in our 'fake' lives it's so uber difficult to make any real changes as often it would require full demolishment of present one. And when we have significant others in our lives it's even worse for all involved. So we are scared feeling there is nowhere to go expect the future when we will suffer even more. That's depression. And what's normal for others is not normal to you and vice versa. When was the last time you felt yourself? Take some time off and search your inner self. And if it's difficult to take first step seek help of those who know how to get there. I suggest you look up Art of Living organization and take the basic course. Later on you may take advanced course where there is a good chance you may reconnect with yourself. And if you believe if God, I suggest you open up to him and ask for guidance. It will come if you're are genuine with what's bothering you deep in your heart.

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