And then I decided to explore

Attended a funeral of a cousin today. Death is so very odd. I have a hard time accepting the sever finality of it. My Father passed two year ago and I cannot help but think that somehow, it is not final. Yet some have a aversion to death, a fear if you will. “You are the first person to join the meeting. Please stand by”. I cannot stand that sentence. I loathe conference calls. Yet, I need them to live I suppose. Money right? At the end of the day….we all need money. I think I may be….I am not sure….but something. If I peel back the person who speaks to large groups of people, makes presentations, meetings with clients…..I am not really that person.

I am quiet, introverted, and dislike direct eye contact. Yet I have to come to life and be that person on a regular basis. It is getting increasingly difficult to do…but I must do it. Not many career opportunities that pays well for someone who does not want to speak and is content to look off into space and just fidget. Jesus…maybe I am a high functioning autistic person…no…can’t be…I was never known for my academic prowess. I am being tested for adult ADD and ADHD. In my youth, it was one tutor or another. Looking back, I thought it was just that my interest levels were low, at 45, I think it may be ADD.