Dating someone with anxiety issues

[Cfarw]

Hi everybody and thanks for adding me to this community.

I m not sure if this is appropriate, but I m a currently dating a guy with anxiety issues and I m seeking information to understand his behaviour and being able to deal with him in the right way.

he has been distant with me the last few weeks and when asked the reason why, he answered me in a rude way that he has enough on the plate without me stressing him out. I didn't know he was going trough a stressfull moment cause he doesn't talk about this thing with me, and we can't even talk much about us, as he get immediately defensive.

After that rude answer i just tried to explain that i was only asking the reason why he was distant and that being in touch for me is very important. he never answered me and i din't hear from him since three days now.

i just don't know how to handle the situation now, thought that here i could get some good advice

thanks in advance

Chiara

[Brightstar0109]

Hi there, I suffer with severe anxiety and my boyfriend is just like you. He's always a little unsure how to help me when I'm in a darker place. If he has been distant then all you can do is make sure he knows you are always there and allow him to come out of it himself, because he will. Sometimes we just feel low and aren't in the mood to talk or socialise, I hope it works out for the best

[Cfarw in reply to Brightstar0109]

thanks for answering Brightstar0109 ,

that is exactly what i wanted to do but i just don't know if contacting him again is a good idea since he didn't get back to me the last time. i m afraid he will feel someway under attack and that this could push him away even more

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Cfarw]

Yeah I totally understand that, there's often times I will ignore my boyfriend and when he tries to talk to me it only makes me worse but then when he doesn't try I get upset that he's not talking to me, dealing with anxiety is a constant struggle! If you are worried about him being worse then perhaps you could text him and make it clear that he doesn't have to reply but that you just want him to know you're thinking about him and are always there for him

[Cfarw in reply to Brightstar0109]

so at the very end was me going mental and start ringing and text him until eventually he texted back. i apologise with him for going mental but i just couldn't help it. he said he understand what it's like, but asked me to calm it down cause it's making him anxious and not want to respond and ignore me. then he reminded me that he likes me but doesn't like this. in my head i just wanted him to tell me to fuck off as that's what i would have done if i was him. his kindness surprised me.

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Cfarw]

He seems very understanding! I hope things work out and you both stick by eachother!

[kc_hutton]

Hello Chiara, with people like your boyfriend all you can do is tell him that you are there to listen if he ever wants to talk, and that he can trust you. All you need to do is be there when he does decide that he's ready to open up to you.

[Cfarw in reply to kc_hutton]

thanks for answering,

but I can't bring myself to contact him again otherwise things will get worse. i told him that communication is important for me, when he feels like talking he will contact me

[Nicki1984]

Hi I'm afraid anxiety makes us irritable and sometimes talking about it can make the anxiety worse. Just let him know you care and that your there for him and let him have his space xx

[Cfarw in reply to Nicki1984]

Thanks for answering,

he knows I m there, it's not the first time that he overreacts to a simple question just because was a question related to our relation. it's just hard and he is not making things easier when he ignore me like this.