Relationshipin turmoil

[Levis4]

I have had anxiety for 10 years now. As you know it's like a rollercoaster up and down. I thought I had it under control but the past few months I have become angry and violent towards my partner. I have gone back to doctors and sorting councilling which I start next Thursday. I have started a diary of my feelings that I write in when I'm not feeling 100%. Any way I have turned it round in the last couple of weeks and am managing it better. The problem I now have that is triggering me is my partner who I have been with 18years and have 2 children with has told he dosent love me anymore and that he has had enough. Lately he keeps staying at a friends house instead of at home with me. He never lets me know if he is coming home from work or going to mates and that triggers me. He says he still cares and don't want to leave for good but he don't want to be around me anymore. I don't know what to do or think

[Agora1]

Hi Levis4, 18 years is a long time to have been together as well as having 2 children. Having had anxiety for 10 of those 18 years must have been a lot for your partner to contend with. I've often wondered if the tables were turned and your partner was the one with chronic anxiety, would you have been able to put up with it that long?

Anxiety doesn't only affect us but the people around us as well. They can't possibly understand what it is like to live in fear everyday, to live in that up and down rollercoaster. In a perfect world, a partner would stand by their mate no matter what. I'm glad you are starting counseling next Thursday but it might be coming a little too late for your partner to have a change of heart.

He blatantly told you he doesn't love you anymore, that he has had enough but doesn't want to leave for good. To me, an outsider, it sounds like he wants to test the waters but having you waiting on shore should he get in too deep.

We cannot control what someone else's feelings are towards us but we can decide what is best for ourselves in a situation like this. I think that this is something therapy will be able to help you figure out so that you aren't so confused. We are here to support you with your decision as well as your anxiety issues. The best of luck. Take care of yourself and the children. (they need you)

[Vlb1]

Perhaps your partner just needs a rest. Dealing with anxiety is very difficult on the person with anxiety and also loved ones. He basically told you he doesn't want to leave, but needs a break. Having said that, you need to deal with your anxiety first and foremost. It might do you both good to see a couples therapist to help you both get a better understanding of what is going on with both of you.