Life..😔

[1973m]

Maybe a strange post , but don't want to look back and regret/ wish , I'd done more had dent suffered anxiety etc... I know that there are thousands of people worse of than me .. Ive suffered postnatal depression , health anxiety for the best part of 15 years... Recently my husband of 20years has not been earning.. We rely on my very minimal wages. He is down too! But doesn't appear to want to do anything about it .. He's pulled away from me , he's cold , moody , angry , and to be quite honest it's like living on eggshells.. My teenage kids are good , they demand nothing but I feel huge guilt.. I can't give them all they need , he's just in his own world and me quite frankly .. Selfishly I want to walk... For my own sanity.... I'm lost and need advice.. Thank you .. ( we claim no benefits at all and are currently surviving on £120 a week ( for everything) £30 on food! )I'm drowning and don't want to regret in my later years not doing anything.

[Hidden]

Hello

Firstly you say there are thousands of people worse of than you and yes there maybe but no one can feel your pain and what you are going through other than you so no matter how worse it maybe for someone else for you this is the worse

I did feel for you as I read your post , dealing with anxiety and depression is bad enough without life in general joining in with a hand of bad cards which seems to be what you have been dealt with at the moment

Your husband , it sounds that he has been the bread winner but sadly has no work at the moment

If I have got that right he could be the type of man that takes pride in been able to provide for his family and also the type that believes a man should do and this could have took a massive blow on his pride as well as feeling depressed as someone loosing there job or not having work can make them feel worthless and lesser than and as men tend to do ( not all , but a lot ) they cannot talk about how they feel and instead behave in a way where they ash out , no good when the partner has to try and deal with it and is under pressure to but a common reaction and it is at times like this when you need to be pulling together but it is always so much harder to pull together when times are rough but can be a good indicator how strong the relationship is as if we can get through the bad times the good times will feel better than ever and I do believe there will be good times again

Is there anywhere you can go and stop , maybe you just need some breathing space from each other as I know when things get really tense there is no reasoning when we are pushed together but sometimes with room to think we can realize we don't want everything to crumble and we do actually need each other

I do understand you would feel like you want to run away , I have felt that often but somehow someway I have managed to work out what ever has been happening at the time and I know it is a saying but it is true you do become stronger and wiser with each experience

I do not understand why you are not or your husband is not claiming benefits ?

What you are trying to survive on is nearly impossible and is not going to help with all this that is happening , you are entitled , you work , hubby always has you have payed your taxes now you need some help back , I wonder if it is hubby that has to much pride to claim but sometimes we need to swallow that pride before it swallows us up !

I know we feel we should be giving our children everything but one thing I got from your post is what wonderful children you have and who is that down to , you & your parenting !

They need a roof over their heads , food , clothing and most of all they need you because a Mum is something you cannot replace , something you cannot buy at a later date when things come good and something you only ever have one of so you are already giving them what they need and when things come good again and they will you will give them those extra's that I know you feel guilty because at the moment you can't

How many teenagers in this day & age would be so accepting as yours are , you should be so very very proud of them

I would tell my husband that we have to claim it is not up for debate and if he chooses not to and be in his own world and not the real one then grab that life jacket and tell him that you are going not going to drown but you are going to get through this and he can choose if he joins together and does it with you or he can drown on his own because your not !

I think the main thing seriously is to get more money coming in, it is there to claim and if he won't then maybe you need to ask yourself if at the moment you should be together because you & the kids have to come first

I do hope you ride this storm and it passes soon and there is a lovely rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it

Take Care x

[1973m in reply to Hidden]

Wow.. You took time to reply , will a huge amount of wisdom... Yes he is proud ( very) always worked extremely long hours too.. I was on my own lots when kids little, ( self employed) hence claiming any benefit would be a minefield as he never knows from one week to another what he could earn!!

My teenagers are good ( have their moments) but that's what teens do .

Thank you , I'll think hard about what you suggest on all counts good to know there are kind people like you . X

[Hidden in reply to 1973m]

Hello

Believe me claiming benefit no matter what your circumstances is a minefield now a days , but CAB would help you as well as there been helplines that can assist you , so on the money you have at the moment which seems like you are living in a war zone trying to cope , I would try and enter this minefield and have a go , I mean what would you have to loose except a little extra money coming in maybe ?

I know it would be stressful but things sound as they are already and this stress that you may have to go through could bring a pleasant result

Think about it and keep us updated how you get on x

[SuzyQ1948]

HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY