Everything's falling apart

Hi guys, I'm 21 and have been suffering from depression and anxiety for years now. I havent told any family or friends but mentioned to my gp a while back that I was feeling very low so she prescribed me citalopram which I haven't taken. I'm literally crying as I type this and overthinking everything. I am not where I would like to be in my life and am constantly faced with 101 obstacles especially reg. my health.

I don't want my family to know and from what I know they dont know I feel like this.

Also, the fact that it's the festive season doesn't make it any better as I am very lonely and think about everyone who is less fortunate - then flooding my pillowcase in tears 😩

If anyone's feeling the same or can offer some support I'd be more than grateful xx


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25 Replies

  • Worst thing you can do is bottle it up and not say anything. I also suffer from anxiety/panic and depression and i was just like you. Bottled it all up didn't say a word until it got so far out of control I stopped eating for 2 months dropped 60 pounds landed in the ER 3 times, and had suicide thoughts on a constant basis.

    You need to tell your friends and family. This stuff is not is not a joke it can and will ruin your life if you let it.

    I have been taking lexapro the last 4 months and i love it. Started in 10 for a month then they jumped me to 20. I tell you what it's the most amazing stuff ever.

    My life has taken a complete 360 on medication. No more suicide thoughts, happy, laughing, mind is clear, no more racing thoughts. My wife says the meds made me a better person and she lives the new me.

    Stop screwing around start the meds and you MUST tell your friends and family. Talking is awesome. It really works

  • Exactly what I'm saying medication has helped you but not everyone am glad your a lot better good luck don't look back x

  • Hi Glondon

    Let your family know and friends this will help in so many ways with aniexty and depression the support they will give will be so valuable to you , as to the meds citroplam l was prescribed but did not take myself as l heard bad things about it so the doctor put me on a short course of diazapam for 4 to six weeks which really helped but beware they are addicted if you take them any longer but as to the depression l took mirtazapine for 5 months and they helped ask your doctor again .As to getting other help ask for cbt it really helps to do this coucilling aniexty will go eventually you just have to work atit it but with family and friends and councilling you will get there take the first step one by one slowly take care.

  • Hi 241951

    Just reading your comment it is very helpful, I am too on mirtazapine after suffering from post natal anxiety deppression and psychosis, however I have made a full recovery and am looking at coming off my meds, how did you manage to wean off them if you don't mind me asking, I'd really appreciate on hearing your experience

  • CHRISTMAS IS ALWAYS THE WORST FOR EVERYONE. Whether it be stress, lonliness or just a feeling of despair. We all think it's supposed to be the happiest time on Earth. NOT HAPPENING!

    I really wish you could open up to a trusted family member. Strangers are good for advising, but only a family member can give you the love and support you need during a difficult time.

    WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE AT ONE POINT IN OUR LIVES, trust me on this. You are not alone. i want to just give you a big virtual hug and let you know everything is going to be ok. I promise.

    Tears are good for the soul, but you deserve more.

    Much love


  • I too suffer from anxiety and depression but mostly anxiety. I suffer from health anxiety and it's hell for me and I also have been depressed from my intense anxiety. You have to let your family members know about your anxiety and depression because family is the best support. It is bad to hide those feelings from your family. Just remember that you are not alone and lots of people suffer from anxiety and depression. stay strong pal I know that anxiety is hell because I suffer from it too. About two days ago My anxiety was so bad and tense that I almost wanted to cry. Anxiety really takes a toll on me. I hope you feel better

  • Hi Gordon

    Telling friends and family is one of the hardest things to do. I was around 20 when I went through a similar situation. I just ignored how I was feeling and just carried on like everything was okay. Like you no one knew how I was feeling in the inside as I hid it with a smile. . I regret not getting help sooner as my panic attacks got worst and for a year I barely left the house. My doctor also put me on citolopram and like you I didn't take it at first but she told me that it would only just keep getting worst if I didn't do anything about it. I can also understand about not telling friends/family have you thought about contacting the Samaritans. It's free and you can email or call them anytime and this way you will still be supported. I'm 22 so I do understand how hard it can be at your age to deal with this. A few suggestions is go back to your doctor and try to do everything that they recommend. I know it's extremely hard at first but you can do this. Maybe tell a Friends/family member who had battled depression/anxiety as then you will feel supported.

    Please try and keep taking your medication Citalopram can take 2 weeks to work but it can help a lot. Take care.

  • Start taking the meds, it will.help.you cope until you van figure out whats happening in your life to make you feel like this, dont.be ashamed, you have a physical sickness your not crazy sometimes our body can be under so much stress it will react beyond your control, i have suffered from anxiety and until.i.was educated about it, i didnt fight it.or hide it, i accepted it, and sorted out my.problems you can too

  • I just had an anxiety attack ... had difficulty breathing for 10 minutes , don't keep this to yourself there come a point when you will explode .

  • Hi, I used to feel all of what you explained, but I finally spoke to family and started taking my medications and I am now much happier about choosing to do so. I am not all better yet, but on the way. Be well. I hope you feel better.

  • I was told I had anxiety depression when I was 17 and didn't tell my family or friends. I didn't tell them because I was frightened that they would think I was weak. I did this for 40 yrs until I broke down and tried to kill myself. I now know that I was wrong very wrong. By lying about how I felt I began to lie about my physical health as well. This yr because of my lying I lost a very good friend that I went on holiday with. I am getting support now from both my family and friends but my best friend will never go on holiday ever again. It took me till I was 58 before I told everyone, I wish I had told them sooner. If I had I wouldn't have had all these yrs of being the way I was. Your family won't see you as weak they will support you through the worst days till your better. I'm closer to my family more now than I ever have been

  • Awwww thinking of you it's awful and tell your family mite make you feel much better honestly .Also everyone of us are are different not all medications work tbh it's a mind game because if a go prescribes something you think in your head wow it's going to help me a promise you it doesn't it's a hard thing to deal with x

  • Thank you so much everyone. Sorry I can't reply individually but you have all really helped me. I have called a friend who is coming down from uni for xmas for the holidays and so I plan to let her know. Your all so true about the silence being a killer and I'm sure I'll feel relieved after. I really appreciate you all, and hope your coping well too! xxxx

  • Thank you. It will be ok...sometimes it takes baby steps, but well worth it. And reaching out was the best thing I ever did. 😊😚

  • Glad to have been of help to you. I know it will be hard but try and enjoy the festive season

  • That's nice to hear you'll be fine have a great Christmas And all the best take care xx

  • Merry Christmas 🎄😊

  • Glondon1, you must talk to your parents, siblings, family! This time of year is hard and stressful for many people so don't feel alone. Usually ( at least in USA) docs don't prescribe a medication unless they feel it will help you ! God has given you a heart of empathy. I am wondering if volunteering somewhere would lift your spirits? Does your church do any outreach to the less fortunate? Sweetheart, you don't say what health problems you deal with but your mental attitude will help make a difference . Are you concerned about the medication ? Please talk to someone about what you are going thru and about medication . Do you live at home ?

  • Hi thank you for your time. Yes I live at home with my mum who's disabled and young sister. I really don't want to worry her as she does as much as her body allows her to already. I did have some concerns about the meds because of the side effects like the dark thoughts and I have a few others such as partially sighted, inherited heart disease, and now suspected endo. I would love to volunteer and help the unfortunate but sadly at this moment I'm in the hospital for fecal impaction (haven't had a bowel movement for ages) so will be staying in for a few days.

  • O plz tell some1,I know it's hard but chose some1 u feel u can trust and tell them how difficult it is u find it to speak to some1 as u have bottled this all up for so long.You really can't go on feeling like this but I promise you that you will feel so much better once you have spoken with someone and then you will always have someone you can talk with when you need too. I take citalpram 40mg,it took a few weeks before they started to work but for the past year I have been feeling so much better than I have in a few years. I wish you all the best x

  • Did you always start on that dose of 40mg or was it increased? Thank you again xx

  • No I was started on 10mg but this wasn't enough so the doctor gradually put me up to 40mg and now I'm at a level we're I'm feeling so much better,don't get me wrong coz some days I'm not great but nowhere near the way I used to feel,I have learned to deal with it better x

  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. You should have more communication with your family about this, they will be able to give some help, but they may not completely understand because they don't know all the emotions that go with depression or anxiety, but give them a chance. I take citalopram and it's the only one that had virtually no side effects, maybe a little tummy ache in the beginning, and take it in the morning , I had to because I didn't sleep great if I took it at night. But my family noticed a difference.also maybe helping at a food bank or a soup kitchen or being a secret Santa to someone may help to know you changed their life . You are young and have so much ahead of you. Give it a try . Good luck and God Bless You❤️

  • Dear Glondon1, first thing you need to learn is to be kind to yourself, we can be so self critical, your going through a hard patch medication is there to help you get through this phase, it will never cure your anxiety and depression, that is something you will need to work on with the help of counselling cbt ect ask your gp, however the meds will help ease the symptoms until your in a better place, and when you find the courage to tell someone, you'll be surprised how supportive they can be and you'll feel better, please don't fight alone, we've all been there and wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy

    Happy hols

  • Hi. My advice - take AD that works for you. You owe this to your self - to feel better. Its not forever, take it for half of year, but you ll be "normal" and more happy. I took escitalopram and it saved my life, even after divorce added to my problems. I wish you best!

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