Vindictive narcissists

[Maribee]

Is anybody else in a relationship with a vindictive narcissist ?

Or have you been ?

Do they eventually leave you alone ?

[Sulley66]

No, but I assume you are involved with one. Have you considered leaving them alone (i.e. leaving them)?

[Maribee in reply to Sulley66]

I am divorcing him after 40 years of abuse and violence at age 76.....I have tried 4 times before but he always threatened me out if it or promised he would 'be nice'....this time the paramedics reported it at the hospital and the NDADA people came and made me realise that if I didnt do something about it I could end up not only a prisoner as I have been but in fear of my life...which I have been many times already.

I just wondered whether anybody else out there could do with talking about it if they were suffering the same thing.

I think it is a personality disorder according to the psychologist who diagnosed his behaviour to me...he can't change, won't change, because in his mind he has done nothing wrong, in fact, he is 'entitled' to treat you any way he wants to.

It's mo way to live your life...and if I can help someone I will...I've wasted 4o years of my life on this monster, do t want others to wait abd hope for change.

I'm struggling but will get through this and hopefully have a better time in whatever time I have left to me.

[Sulley66 in reply to Maribee]

I am sorry you went through this and I am happy to hear you are getting out. It's never too late. I wish you much peace and happiness for many more years. You should be so proud of yourself for taking this important and difficult step!

[Maribee in reply to Sulley66]

Thankyou SO MUCH...I'm more in fear than proud as once they have controlled you they cannot let you go......I'm working on my fears though.

[Sulley66 in reply to Maribee]

I understand your fear. Be strong, you will be free and at peace before you know it.

God bless!

[Maribee in reply to Sulley66]

Thankyou so much.

[NFDK]

The very best of wishes to you for your health and your peace. I last saw my ex-husband two and a half years ago. Emails from him stopped only a couple of months ago. I never responded to him in all that time. Don't listen to any promises that they will change - a narcissist will do or say anything to get their own way, as you no doubt know. So, he DID eventually leave me alone and I am loving the absence of abuse and the new peace an quiet. You will be able to enjoy your new life too x

[Maribee in reply to NFDK]

I read somewhere that they never let go once they have controlled you...but hey...,you have managed to achieve freedom from fear.....well done you...I hope I can one day have the same result.

[Maribee]

Thankyou all of you...I can only hope you are right...he has isolated me from my adult children by telling them lies..in fact he is spending xmas day with them...how gutting us that ????

[Satsuma in reply to Maribee]

Oh Maribee I have had experience of a narcisstic ex and he too has turned my children against me .. My heart goes out to you .. They are sure vindictive people and are good at turning people against people .. I am here if you ever want to chat. Being an estranged mother is one of the most appalling things one can go through .. The narcisstic want to kill anyone who stands up to them as they think they are special and elite .. Everyone else are commoners to them

[Maribee in reply to Satsuma]

The thing is, my 'children' are in their late forties...they're not kids...he is their stepfather and has never had time for them until now......I need to let them go.....they have made their choice and see him as the victim through his lies and sweet talk.

I can't win

I know that

So to survive I have to stop defending myself and just let them go...,grandchildren and all.....

[Satsuma in reply to Maribee]

Yes I hear you .. Step parents can be evil .. My children's step mum is .. Vile people .. The truth will come out one day .. One cannot win against these type of people I agree and I know

[NFDK]

I feel SO SAD about that Maribee . That is truly awful. What an evil man.

[Maribee]

Thanks ?Wen....I've been stressing knowing that he has manipulated my kids into spending ?Xmas day with HIM.......he is NOT thier dad even......I feel heartbroken but he gas told them that he is the victim, lies and more lies and they are afraid of him so do as he says.....just as I did for 40 years so I can't real,y blame them cos I did it myself !

Luckily I've got wonderful friends who are cooking for me on ?Xmas day...we are having a fine of £5 for anybody who mentions 'the monster'...they all know him so understand his whole life is a lie....it excites him to behave like that...it's called vindictive narcissism......my kids are called 'enablers' as I still am while he still co treks me by sending cards and nessages to upset me.

I wish I didn't get upset, but then, what loving mother wouldn't be ?

Thankyou fir understanding,x

[NFDK]

We're always here to listen xxx

[Hidden]

I know what your going through. I have a narcissist sister who tells lies and will do anything to hurt me. She tells lies and has tried to turn everyone against me . They put such a charming act on and people often believe them.. I don't think they ever give up but we just have to be strong and brave. Don't respond to anything they do. Good luck I will be thinking about you .

[Maribee]

Thankyou Jacksanna....I guess it would be harder for you as it is your sister....I'm hoping that when I get my divorce he will stop trying to get at me.....but I suppose he still will try..,I've decided the only way to recover is to use the NC method..no contact..,even though it means I may never see my grandkids again-God knows what lies they have been told about me- but I know that I need to recover and have tried reason and patience....it hasn't worked....my gastroenterologist has said that my health is badly affected by it so something needs to change...I can't change my husbands behaviour fir sure.

I can't change my 45 year ok'd kids behaviour...but I can change mine.

In 2017 I intend to put myself first for the first time ever.

I refuse to play any more mind games.

I will build a new life for myself, see if I can recover anything of the old me.

I will stop feeling like their victim....or try to !!!

I hope this makes sense...I wish you all a happy new year and thankyou all SO MUCH fir your support.

Xxxxx

[Maribee]

Thanks Wen....happy 2017.x