How to deal with relationships?

I have been single for 4+ years now. My last girlfriend cheated on me with my friend and i thought it was the end. It hurt so bad, my anxiety was the worst its ever been. I somehow fought through it but now i have severe problems with relationships. If i feel myself getting close with someone, i immediately push them away... I feel like im either going to get hurt again, or i wont be good enough or anything. Ive pushed so many away i feel like i will never be able to overcome my anxiety when it comes to relationships. Does anyone else have this issue? How do you deal with not wanting to get close to someone?

4 Replies

oldestnewest
  • In this kind of situation you need a ton of reassurance which can be a lot to ask of some people but if you find the right one they won't give you any extra anxiety. Having someone you can trust is really important and though it might be hard it's really important to respect their privacy. When getting close to someone it's important to be confident in yourself first which can be a really hard thing to do. If you're confident in yourself then you'll have an easier time. I hope you find someone who you can work things out with.

  • I just got out of a relationship and my anxiety is sky high

  • It's a natural protective mechanisam after a betrayal; you don't want to get hurt again. Deal with your own negative beliefs first by forgiving your betrayer and forgiving your negative learning (the distrust that it caused you is still affecting you). Each new person is not out there to do deceive you.

    You will have developed insecurities too, believing that you are not good enough. This is another opportunity to work on yourself by building your self esteem. Your past betrayal is not a necessary measure of your worth.

    Do you suffer with jealousy?

    A new partner can help you heal, but the "self" work is necessary first.

  • It has a lot to do with because i have been betrayed so i understand that perspective, but i think its also something else. I get so anxious going into relationships and the only relief i get is when i break it off and shut it down. Once i do that its like a huge weight was lifted. I do get jealous, as im sure most people do to an extent. I wish i wasnt like this, i would like to find someone and not be alone, but being alone is the only way im comfortable? Its a bit of a paradox. When i went to the Dr i was hoping to get medication to help control my anxiety so i could deal with it but when they gave me stuff for depression (with a side effect of ANXIETY) i felt like i was back where i began....

You may also like...