Fighting my anxiety

I've read so many posts about not fighting your thoughts and the anxiety getting better. However many times I try this I just cant do it. It just scares me. If I could only let go I would get better. Any suggestions?

[Ty2020]

I totally understand and also find "not fighting" difficult. But I believe it can be (slowly) done. One tactic I have been using is trying to occupy my mind. For me the worse time is at night while laying in bed - my mind just races, one negative thought after another. So my new thing is to read something humorous - a lighthearted novel - nothing serious. I use to read political blogs/news at night, but that's not good reading material as it just puts my mind in a bad place, lol.

[Hidden]

May sound cheesy but I play "wordfued" on my phone when my thoughts are racing badly, its just like scrabble, you play against real.players all over the world and you can even message each other, its completely free too, great app for keeping you concentrating on one thing, I completely understand how acceptance of your symptoms is difficult, but it truly does work, it takes practice and perseverance though, it takes time too, don't be disheartened that you've not yet overcome things, just let it come and go, your safe to do this, you'll be ok xxx

[Beevee in reply to Hidden]

Me again 😜

Great advice suzie482.

Let your mind race. Just observe the thoughts. Watch them come ( say hello to them) and watch them go without interference. It is hard but with practice, you become quite good at it. You will then start to see glimpses of the truth which makes acceptance easier. It is a process and something you need to go through. The ride home is bumpy, it can get very bumpy at times but just hold on to your hat and go with it. You will get there . You will then look back and think it was one helluva ride and feel better for the experience. I'm actually thinking of adding it to my cv. Recovery has been my biggest ever achievement, by far. Except my 4 kids. 😇

[Anxiously_Mikey in reply to Beevee]

Wow, this is encouraging. Im really trying hard to understand the difference between trying to ignore thoughts, and being mindful of them. It's so difficult, but I am really trying not to give up. Ive felt no improvement, which is tough, but to hear that others do see improvement.. that is good

[Beevee in reply to Anxiously_Mikey]

Mickey

Don't overthink it. I remember struggling with the concept too in the beginning. Was I doing it right, how will I know I'm on the right track? You know, the usual doubts but to be expected when you are anxious. I don't remember doing anything special, it just clicked into place over a period of time. I just carried on with my day even though I felt awful but in the knowledge that anxiety had no real power and could do no harm to me. That attitude in itself takes away some of the fear.

With regard to the intrusive thoughts, it might be helpful if you can find one of my posts about first and second fear. First fear is the flash you get when a thought pops into your head. You can't control or stop thoughts coming so don't even think about trying to stop them. The second flash is instantaneous and hard to separate from the first flash but easily recognisable. It is the reaction to the thought. It is the "What ifs?" that do the real damage because you are adding fear to the fear that is already there which keeps the whole anxiety cycle spinning. The good news is, you can lean not to react to the thought, comforted by the fact that the thoughts aren't real, they are just a side shoot of anxiety and completely and utterly harmless. They disappear when you recover so don't waste time and energy trying to figure them out. They are totally unimportant.

Anxiety turbo charges the thoughts propelling them to the front of your mind demanding your attention. This makes it hard to ignore the thought so don't waste energy trying to ignore them either.. Let the thought come, let it have its say, let it frighten you but instead of all the "what ifs?" change your attitude to "So What". Don't be too impressed with the thought and just label it as anxiety and move on with your day/life.

It sounds as though you already have a good attitude in terms of not giving up because recovery lies in continually moving forward with your life regardless of whether or not the anxiety is there. Just take it with you and don't let it dictate anything.

[Anxiously_Mikey in reply to Beevee]

Thank you Bee, well spoken. I will keep digging for more insight.

[Beevee in reply to Anxiously_Mikey]

Mickey, visit a website called Anxiety No More and check out the forum too. Lots of good advice and explanation which helps the recovery process. I also recommend books written by Dr Claire Weekes. My posts are all about the exact same teachings with a substantial amount of personal experience 😖

These are the only tools I used to recover but not before I had wasted money on lots of techniques searching for the elusive answer and trying to get rid of my anxiety.

[jennyjolly in reply to Beevee]

Hi Beevee

I commented in past it didn't work but tried again recently with more mindful,less fearful approach and this time worked

All night watching my negative thoughts with as much detatchment as I could muster

hours and hours

In the morning hardly any or since then so my apologies and thanks for your posts.

[Beevee in reply to jennyjolly]

Just keep practising. Observe the thoughts and just tell yourself it is anxiety that is generating those negative thoughts. They are not you, they are not real so don't waste time thinking anything else. Don't add second fear by trying to fight them or question them or control them. Just watch them come and go. I keep saying it and apologise for being repetitive but you just have to learn to be ok about not feeling ok and takes time to for this attitude to develop. If you say I'm feeling ok through gritted teeth, you are not accepting. You have to truly believe it.

I had all sorts of scary thoughts but the ones that stuck and kept me feeling anxious were the ones I thought might contain an element of truth. They struck a nerve, literally. I believed them which made me panic and spent ages trying to convince myself they weren't true or trying to find the answer. But do you know what, they had no truth in them whatsoever. I found this out in moments of clarity when my mind and body started to recover and felt relaxed. Those thoughts just weren't there and only came when I felt really anxious.

You will probably still feel rubbish for a while but with less fear being added by you, your mind and body will begin to calm down.

[Hidden in reply to Beevee]

Thanks for the reply but I don't get how to do it. I'm always scared of them

[Beevee in reply to Hidden]

Hi Puppy11

Acceptance is not something you do. It is not a doing thing or an action. If anything, it is inaction towards the symptoms. It is the attitude you have towards the symptoms that cures. At present, you fear them which is keeping you stuck in the anxiety cycle.

Deal with your anxiety and all the symptoms in the same way you deal with a cold or flu, for example. You don't go round saying I must accept this cold, I must accept my streaming nose, I must accept all my joints and sinuses aching. You feel rotten but you just carry on with your day and take the cold/flu with you. The symptoms are a nuisance but you don't pay too much attention to them because you ACCEPT it is just a cold and that you will feel better without having to do too much to make it go away, other than rest a little. Your body sorts itself out.

What you have is just anxiety and the same healing process that cures the flu is waiting to happen once you stop interfering by constantly trying to do something about your anxiety such as avoidance, worrying about the symptoms, questioning/arguing with intrusive thoughts etc etc. This is what I mean by doing nothing about the symptoms. Just let the thoughts come. Let them scare you but learn not to add more fear to the thoughts that come. This is often referred to as adding second fear which you will recognise as a "what if?" reaction to the first fear which is the intrusive thought. Instead of reacting in fear to the thought just say "so what" to the thought and mean it. This takes a bit of practice before it becomes second nature but as time goes by, you will begin to see through the lies being spun by anxiety which makes it even easier to accept the thoughts and not resist or fear them. Once you lose the fear, the thoughts will no longer matter and will disappear. This is why I always say to people not to pay any respect to the thoughts and feelings because they won't be there when you recover.

I hope this helps to explain acceptance.

Best wishes

Beevee

[Hidden in reply to Beevee]

Thank you so much! That is hard for me to do but I'll try. All I did was cry today. My bladder is starting to hurt and I had a bad time with that years ago so that scares me. I also have pain in my ribs and back. I read that Claire weeks book and when I read about if your scared of it it will get worse. And when I get anxiety that's the thought that comes immediately.Because I tell myself I am afraid of it. It never left me except when the anxiety was gone.

[Hidden in reply to Beevee]

I can't stop being scared. The thoughts are obsessive and. Won't stop. Help me

[Cat33]

Don't give up you can do it take it slowly then you will suddenly realise you have stopped having anxious thoughts for a few minutes and then it will get longer and longer

If you let go nothing will happen to you except the feeling of fear decreasing

If you were feeling anxious and you suddenly twisted your ankle your thoughts would automatically go to the pain and you would forget about the anxiety and nothing would happen I hope that make sense its just your what if what if that is fuelling the thoughts

Take care and good luck

[Hidden in reply to Cat33]

Your right. I have what if thinking terrible. Like what if I don't get better what if I don't get off meds. The fear of fear will not go away.

[Hidden]

I'm having a bad day! I just don't know how to stop being afraid of the anxiety. I don't want to feel like this I w.ant to feel happy and in control. If only I could stop being afraid. L

[Jkc1]

Hi!

The other responses here mention some really good things to do, but as well as these meditation really helped me (don't judge before you've tried!).

It does take a bit of time to get used to and to become 'good' at it but seriously, give it a try. It kind of teaches you to accept your thoughts and control them. You can easily find meditation clips online, some are longer than others.

Part of meditation is learning to do diaphragmatic breathing (google it), which is a major part of the relaxation. Whenever I was having a panic attack I would practice this to calm myself down.