Anxiety and depression getting worse

[Heruga]

I don't know what to do anymore. If you look at my previous posts my depression+anxiety has been on and off but recently I've been in this condition for a couple months now without signs of improvement. Fortunately, my panic attacks have been stable now but my social anxiety has gotten slightly worse. I always think about getting nauseous when I eat out in public. Never at home though. Sometimes I get really anxious and nauseous when my stomach is full and feeling bloated. I'm still on sertraline 25 mg but may need to raise the dose.

Then next is my depression. I've yet to find a stable full time job after graduating 8 months ago. I switched careers slightly right after graduating, I have a degree in B.A in geography with a 3.615 GPA but with no luck finding a job related to that field I switched my career path to horticulture, which is not all that different from each other. But anyways, so I got a position at a botanical garden as an intern and it was a 5 month program so I worked through all the 5 months. Then they asked me if I can still work there to sell tickets to visitors until the garden closes in November. I make $15/hr here so thats decent but its only temporary. So after November I won't have any job. Well there is one place I can go back to where I used to work but that company only pays minimum wage($8.38/hr). So basically I have no path to go. I've applied to tons of gardening/horticultural jobs but no luck.

I've always loved nature. Which is why I took geography as my major so I could learn more about the environment but its only after college that I realized that my favorite aspect in nature is plants. They are so calming and relaxing and I thought this would be a good way to naturally deal with my anxiety without having to deal with meds all my life. So this is why I am pursuing a career in horticulture now. But my anxiety still seems to be around... I don't know what to do anymore. Seems like theres no way out of this.

[Devin76oh]

Hi Heruga,

I am a strong believer in counting your blessings and not your problems. You may not have the job you want now but that doesn't mean it is not on the way. You have a source of income until November, and you don't know if something is going to come along from now until then. You're thinking the worst when you should be thinking the best. Instead of negative what-if's why not the positive what-if's? You love horticulture... Then keep pursuing it! There is no need to stop dreaming. If it helps you with your anxiety then great!

Anxiety is always going to be here, so fighting it the way you are doesn't make sense. Accept that you have it and live your life. I know that you will succeed in anything that you do and you will get to where you want to be.

I believe in the Lord and God, and I feel that He has a path for all of us. He knows where you will be and He will never steer you in the wrong direction. you don;t need to be in control so why not have the Almighty God take care of it all? Maybe you like what I am saying maybe you don't but I do know one thing.... You are strong and will get over this.

You have had good days before what makes you think you wont have good days again? Positive what ifs and anchoring to hope. Hope is a beautiful thing.

Devin

[Lissa1 in reply to Devin76oh]

I would just like to thank Devin for that awesome response! God asks us to 'cast all our fears upon Him'. I'm not sure where you are at spiritually, but God promises that He will take care of all our needs. This love of nature is a blessing from God, and while you may work in other areas to pay the rent at times (Noone said adult'ing was fun) it is certainly exciting to see what God is going to do with this in your life! Don't give up!

[Bekay]

Apply for unemployment insurance,it's easier to look for work when you have an income then maybe you'll get rehired at the original jobs season comes back. That's if it's a seasonal job.