I have traumatic thoughts from the past haunt me. I grew up with very abusive parents. My father once took his anger out on me whipping me with a belt just because he got in a argument with my mom. I was around 10 years old. I get so sad just by thinking why I deserved that. After my parents separated I lived with my mother my father was no longer in my life. My mother causes my anxiety to shift so bad today. She controlled me and would always tell me I was not worth anything. As much as I tried for her to love me and to help her.. I was never enough for her. She physically abused me when I was 22 I was only 2 weeks from having a miscarriage. It hurts me so much. The day she attacked me she called me the worst names and animal names. The more I told her to leave my home the more she would go off on me and she would tell me that I couldn't kick her out because she was my mother. She left me feeling hopeless.. I was so scared. I called the police on her and she went to jail for 4 days. I am her daughter but has any one ever gone thorough a situation like mine. I wish I met someone just to know I'm not alone.. Many people that have been in domestic violence it's usually their partner. I took counseling but the stronger I try to be it's hard. I will forever have a hole in my heart. I no longer see people the same.. If my own holy mother that gave me life hurted me so much how can I trust anyone wont hurt me. I'm always anxious to go out beacuse im afraid anyone will want to hurt me. I just don't think no one will ever understand. I live in darkness I try to reach the light but im so anxious to even see her. I try to leave this in the past but its affecting the way I see my future and people. It's hard to live this way. So anxious, scared and miserable. It just haunts me.
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