Can domestic violence be causing my anxiety?

I have traumatic thoughts from the past haunt me. I grew up with very abusive parents. My father once took his anger out on me whipping me with a belt just because he got in a argument with my mom. I was around 10 years old. I get so sad just by thinking why I deserved that. :( After my parents separated I lived with my mother my father was no longer in my life. My mother causes my anxiety to shift so bad today. She controlled me and would always tell me I was not worth anything. As much as I tried for her to love me and to help her.. I was never enough for her. She physically abused me when I was 22 I was only 2 weeks from having a miscarriage. It hurts me so much. The day she attacked me she called me the worst names and animal names. The more I told her to leave my home the more she would go off on me and she would tell me that I couldn't kick her out because she was my mother. She left me feeling hopeless.. I was so scared. I called the police on her and she went to jail for 4 days. I am her daughter but has any one ever gone thorough a situation like mine. I wish I met someone just to know I'm not alone.. Many people that have been in domestic violence it's usually their partner. I took counseling but the stronger I try to be it's hard. I will forever have a hole in my heart. I no longer see people the same.. If my own holy mother that gave me life hurted me so much how can I trust anyone wont hurt me. I'm always anxious to go out beacuse im afraid anyone will want to hurt me. I just don't think no one will ever understand. I live in darkness I try to reach the light but im so anxious to even see her. I try to leave this in the past but its affecting the way I see my future and people. It's hard to live this way. So anxious, scared and miserable. It just haunts me.

9 Replies

  • Yes it can it called PTSD I have it I was very abused by my ex-husbands for 12 year's. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression

  • Sorry you went through that. Stay strong.

  • I feel you pain yes all of what you went through would have a lasting effect however you can change and grow to love yourself enough tht the hurts others have done to you in the past becomes less and less bothersome to you wishing you lots of luck with this xx

  • Thank you for your advice

  • No one should hurt anyone. I'm sorry this happened to you. There are many people who have gone through trauma and do lead normal happy lives. It's not the end for you. As much as trauma cripples us, we can learn to be resilient and strong. That's why humans have survived so long. You have to make peace with your past,and look for your future. Mold it the way you want too. No one says you should forget the past. But your story is part of your journey. As it is for many. Find the way to love yourself. When you love yourself, you can free your mind, and spirit.

  • Thank you for all your encouragement.

  • It`s not your fault. your parents were obviously sad, horrible people who didn`t deserve to have children.

  • You did not deserve what happened to you as a child. I do not know what happened to your parents that they thought it ok to hurt you in this way but I feel sorry for them that they are such damaged people. If you can try to understand that this was their failings, not yours, then you will be able to break free of your past. Not many people are as damaged as your parents seem to be. Hopefully you will meet many nice people in your future. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be a good person and expect others to be good to you too. If anyone starts to treat you in a bad way then do not feel it necessary to stick around them, or put up with anything. You will be fine and all will be well.

  • Thank you I appreciate your advice and encouragement.

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