I haven't been on here for a while due to being 22 weeks pregnant but feel the need for some advice now more then ever.
It's going to be a bit of an essay but I just need to talk to someone and get it off my chest. Apologies in advance!
I am as said above 22 weeks pregnant with my first child, second pregnancy but first baby. I am over the moon to be having a baby as my first ended in miscarriage early days....I call her my rainbow baby as to me she is so special. I had a really tough time to start with, severe morning sickness and many hospitalised trips...I then developed gastro flu so was hospitalised for that too. During this time my partner wasnt very supportive, he would leave me at home on my own throwing up whilst he went out with his friends and to play sport. As much as I know they need a release I felt completely unloved....it made me lose a lot of respect for him.
As well as this in a nutshell I basically feel like certain family members are taking over with what I buy, I feel like I can't buy anything for my own baby and that nothing I do will be good enough for anyone. I have texts saying don't buy anything without telling me first, don't buy anymore clothes, don't go getting too much of this and as much as I know everyone is excited and that I probably sound like a really horrible person I feel like I cant do anything and when she is born I won't even get a look in. I appreciate everything people are doing for us but atm i'm finding its getting overwhelming and sending my anxiety to the roof.
A lot of my anxiety atm is towards my partners mum ...My partners mother has a heart of gold but she gets really shitty about a lot of things quickly, she never sees her other grandchild and is always complaining about things......sometimes I feel like she is rubbing me with the same brush if that makes sense, I am always on edge around her and never feel like I can be myself because of things she has said to me about her, in a way I feel like well if she feels like that about her then whats she saying about me and because of this I constantly feel like im doing something wrong and that I have to meet her expectations all the time I tell my partner how I feel all the time and he does nothing because of how she is so I feel like he doesnt support me at all there either
I'm also finding that my other halfs family are feeling left out because my family have bought certain things which is causing friction between us all now. I don't know how to deal with it all and its making my anxiety come to a pulp again, I have always been one to worry about what others think too so its made it worse :(.
I keep telling myself look youre pregnant. Dont stress because its not good. You can get and say what you want.
I am finding everything so hard and what should be a really exciting time just feels like a competition :(.
This isnt even half of what I could say but thats the main points.
If anyone has any advice it would be really reassuring right now.