I need your help on an important decision

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate your advice on an important decision. Basically I have to decide whether to spend Christmas with my family or my boyfriends family, and it's not that simple for me to give an answer because of my anxiety.

If I spend christmas with my boyfriend's family we will be staying at his granny's place across the country with his whole family (which will be very nerve racking and intense for me) for a week. I will have anxiety about having anxiety and panic attacks, and I am the worst in situations where there are lots of people sitting and its quiet, as if i feel everyone is looking at me. (those are the main cons). The pros are that I will get to spend christmas with my boyfriend and it will be exciting being in a country I haven't visited before, where I will hopefully be distracted by whatever we are doing, and I have never been able to spend christmas with my boyfriend before.

If I spend christmas with my own family I will feel comfortable, not as anxious about having panic attacks in front of people I do not know, I will be with the person whom I feel closest to on a personal level, my sister, and I will be with my own family which is what christmas is meant for. There aren't many cons apart from the one BIG problem I will have no matter where I decide to go;

Anxiety about someone dying. Although I have anxiety and think about who is going to die next, or what if someone was in an accident or died suddenly, this is worse. 2 years ago at Christmas one of my closest friends died on Christmas eve from Cardiac Risk in the young (basically sudden death) in her sleep, she was the healthiest person I knew. The year after that my dad collapsed on Christmas day and I saw an ambulance outside my home for the first time, he collapsed from a lethal virus which was going around at the time.

So no matter where and who I decide to spend Christmas with, I will have this constant panic and worry and obsessiveness about who is going to die or have an accident. If I am with my boyfriend and his family, I will constantly be thinking about death and if my family are okay or what if they are dead right now. If I am at home I will be worrying about my boyfriend dying.

Truthfully this is the most difficult decision I have had in my entire life. Due to the past few christmas being absolutely horrible and the worst events of my life, I am convinced death will come to someone close to me this year too.

I would really appreciate anyones help on this, and I need to decide by today or tomorrow at the latest because my Boyfriends mum has to book travel arrangements tomorrow.

Peace and Love,

Kelly X

6 Replies

  • Kelly, of course the decision is entirely up to you. I can just tell you as I was reading your post, I found myself breathing faster and faster feeling the situation you are put in. You are right in no matter what you decide there will be some anxiety as to what is or might happen at the other house. The thing is unless you were fully recovered or has some control over what you feel, I don't see you being comfortable at your boyfriends house. That's just my opinion. Holidays are hard to be away from those we love but having anxiety puts another decision that needs to be made. Will you honestly be comfortable at someone elses home as well as will it ruin the next couple months worrying and getting more anxious as the time comes nearer. I don't know if you are ready to accept more excitement of being in a country you've never been to before as well as being away from your "comfort zone". Whatever you decide we will support you and wish you well. Maybe you will here from others on the forum who will give you more positive reinforcement before making the decision. Good Luck xx

  • Hi there, thank you for your thoughts on this, it truly means a lot. I totally get where your coming from, I guess I am trying to find the place where I would feel most safe about my family or boyfriend. Another reason for me to stay with my bf was that I may be more distracted, less inclined to think about death? His mum is putting us up in an apartment so we have more of our own space which would be great. I told my bf that if I stay home I will need him to Skype me and call me/text me the whole time so I know he is safe and nothing horrible has happened to him. Same goes for if I choose to stay with his family, will get my sister to Skype as often as possible.

    Thank you again for your help on this, hope you are doing well

    Much love,


  • I wish you well Kelly no matter what decision you make. x

  • Hi Kelly, this is tricky, does your boyfriends family know you have anxiety? Your bf sounds understanding. I had a similar situation many years ago when eating in front of people would give me major anxiety - Christmas at someone else's house - I just couldn't do it. My boyfriend was fine with it. Eventually, after cbt I got there! Whatever you decide will be fine - try and enjoy your decision. I wish you well, xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • reading your post Kelly I think your decision is already made in your own heart, that is to stay with your family it shows in your post that is what you would prefer, choose whatever makes you feel more peacful and comfortable as it is your holidays so you need to choose the one you would feel best at and reading your post I think it is with your family :) X

  • thank you so much everyone. this all means so much to me and makes me think things through clearer. hope you are all well X

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