PTSD after breakup with sociopath

[DariusChris]

I am in need of some guidance on what to do. To give you some background information of my issue, I am a 24 year old gay male who was recently in a 10 month relationship with a sociopath guy. The relationship was extremely physically and mentally abusive. I was constantly manipulated, lied to and cheated on by the sociopath. It has been almost two months of being broken up and in no contact with my abuser. Although the relationship is over I am having an excruciatingly difficult time moving on from all the abuse and the injustices I have gone through. I cannot sleep at night, I am const a fly obsessing over my ex and thinking about who he is sleeping with now. I find myself having panic attacks and constantly ruminating over the relationship. I was once a very confident and socially graceful guy with class and now I find my self esteem completely shattered and in ruins after this horrible relationship. I feel trapped in my own mind, I have no peace, I scream in the middle of the night in my sleep, I have constant nightmares and my spirit is not at peace. I have lost weight, stopped going to the gym and have actually became physically sick with a cold (I never ever get sick). What is going on with me? Someone please give me some sort of guidance. I just want to feel like myself again. I just want to erase this whole memory from my mind and never look back again. Someone please help me

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I really feel for you, DariusChris. I understand what its like to suffer at the hands of a sociopath, it messes you up!!!!

As this is a fresh wound for you, you need to give yourself some r&r and time to heal. It won't go away overnight because these people are nasty and tortuous and they really screw with your mind. I know from experience, having a sociopathic mother and going on to other relationships that mirrored my childhood experience of being gaslighted, manipulated, smothered, sucked dry of any identity, and absolutely confused about what was real. So firstly don't blame yourself ok? Be gentle to yourself.

For me, I am giving myself time to process all that happened, and letting myself feel low and sad and weepy, to release all the pain that was inflicted on me. This is a time where you simply must pamper yourself, and take good care so that you can start to get back on your feet.

Sometimes medication can be helpful in the short term, just while you are healing, so maybe talk to your doctor about something that might help with the rumination and panic attacks.

Reading self help books, doing affirmations, and doing things that I used to enjoy before the abuse has helped me. The tiniest step forward is actually a huge victory. Even going outside for me (I am extremely terrified of people at the moment) is a challenge. For you, it sounds like the gym. I would encourage you to go just once, even if you don't feel like it- that would be a huge victory for you at this stage. Congratulate yourself on every little step you take in the right direction. Be your own best friend.

I know its easy to think about your abuser constantly. Unfortunately, this is counterproductive and plays into their hands, as they are moving on with their lives, they don't care and never did. Its a tough pill to swallow, I know. But the moment you can stop giving them your attention is when you can start putting that love towards yourself. Like when you are sick, just start saying to your body, you're allowed to be sick, of course you feel like this, that was a horrible experience, let's learn from this.

When you catch yourself ruminating about them try to replace it with a positive thought about yourself, like I'm so charming. Yeah. I'm awesome. Even if you don't quite believe it yet.

Anyhow I'm not saying any of this is easy. And if you need to vent please keep posting. Sorry if this was super long- I hope any of this resonated with you. Sending you good vibes Take care

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P.S. Heal My PTSD on HealthUnlocked is a great community on here, I would encourage you to join if you haven't already.