Where am 'i'

[jennyjolly]

Since I was 12 I've felt like I don't experience myself like other people, like the lights are on,

i'm somewhere at home

but so deeply spaced out that I'm unable to exist in the usual way

very hard to explain.

.i'm not on any meds/recdrugs for over 30 years

The world seems 'real'. I feel a lot of emotional pain a lot of the time,but 'me' feels too deeply hidden to come into alignment.

Was told it's called depersonalisation..part of PTSD which I've had all my life nearly.

I feel like an alien being in a world of people who exist as themselves, feeling real and in alignment,

not like I feel at all.

[jennyjolly]

No one else has replied so i'm even more of a weirdo than I thought

So i'll reply to myself; Jenny, you've come such a long way since your violent/abusive childhood that left you a stammering,nervous wreck unable to even say your own name, and a lifetime of feeling not all there with d.p.

you coped with two abusive violent husbands,road accidents that left you hospitalised for months and a psychotic breakdown, not to mention the years of rec. drugs and last but not least being told you had Hep C six years ago

In spite of all this you raised a happy,stable daughter who has raised your wonderful grandson,

you also worked day and night for 30 years at jobs you hated so you could own your own home and help your daughter too.

I think you've done bloody well girl

[es27 in reply to jennyjolly]

Liking your response to yourself. You have done well coping with all that . Be proud of yourself and your daughter and grandson.

Sorry I haven't answered your originalpost .

Take care relax and be good to yourself and yours.

I'm also a weirdo but hey ho the world needs us to make a difference. 😀

[jennyjolly in reply to es27]

Your reply meant a lot

Really appreciated

Thanks

All good wishes and blessings to you.