I did love my Dadd once.

[Dodo777]

I remember one year it was new years eve and all the kids including me was playing in someone's living room abd all the parents was in the dining room drinking my Dad wanted to show others how Terrified i was of him by calling myname in his usual nasty way I came out of the room scared to death shaking wude eyed like a rabbit in the head lights well the other men in the room seen me and started picking on my father. We left in a hurry. That man brutalized me until i was 15 when he punched me and instead of flinching as normal I stood there and push my face in his and he shrunk literally and walked off my mother kicked him out after 30 years of being terrorized. I hate her even though she's dead.

[Agora1]

Dodo, I can see how raw those memories still are. The hurt was so deep. They say it's not healthy to carry around hate and anger. Not physically or emotionally. Somehow you were strong enough to make a decision that you would not carry this behavior over to your own son. I truly give you credit for that.

[jennyjolly]

You're mother was also a victim of a bullying coward

.for all sorts of reasons it's very hard to leave a violent marriage but to stand by while your daughter is being terrorised... that's.hard to let go of

I had similar with my father who never stuck up for me when my mother was violent/intimidating or any other time either

I well understand your anger which is justified and understandable

.I despised/hated both my parents with a raging passion for over 40 years and my violent alcoholic exes too.

But the anger/hate is hurting you.. not them.

.You are allowing them to still cause you pain/harm you after all these years.

like drinking a cup of poison with the intention of it harming someone else

The only one it's harming is you.

It's possible to forgive without condoning

ie You make a firm decision to forgive so you can start healing,

but you always know/acknowledge how you were treated was evil and wrong, should never have happened.

Your dad probably had a background of abuse himself and your mother her own family issues.

No one that is healthy/undamaged acts in an abusive way

You showed great courage fronting your dad..that's still within you,

Can help you achieve good things in spiteof/because of your parents.

I wish you a happy life.

[Agora1 in reply to jennyjolly]

jennyjolly, beautifully said. I wish you happiness and peace of heart. x

[jennyjolly]

Thank You. x