My story and how Im dealing with it

So,Ive been here for a while and I want to share my story and how Im trying to grow out of this bad habit of following the intrusive thoughts. You might not like what Im going to say,but thats fine.

First of all,Im 17 and Im a girl. Ive had anxiety since I was 9 I guess,its kind of blurry. My main kind of anxiety is health anxiety,but not only. I had and still have ( very little) relationship anxiety. I have a hard time dealing with stress and Im also a procastinator. I do nothing in my life and I feel miserable ,but I know Im the only one responsible .

For a long period of time I tried to find something wrong with my health to explain this feeling inside,this nagging feeling of "im dying and i want to know why" . I googled everything and found horrible things. Right now ,for example,I think I have schizofrenia. Altho,Im very sure I dont. The problem with anxiety is that there is always a reason ( Im feeling this and that and this etc.). In my case,I experienced everything before and had no problem, suddenly I became aware of that sensation and I fell into a spiral of panic.

In april I became a bit ill,I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (actually,Im still under investigation for this) and there seems to be a lot of imbalance in my body. And there is where all started,I felt like I was dying, like something was wrong with me,i had DP/DR and it was horrible. It still is,but now I know what to do.

The thing with anxiety is that is going to be there for the rest of our lifes. And we can choose to learn from it or take it as it is. Just remember,when you are in the anxiety zone,you are not able to grow as a person. You have to push yourself so you can grow,and the anxiety looses its grip . It never goes away,tho,but you can learn a lot from it and its a lifetime proccess. You cant say "Oh,but I did that and I still have anxiety". You have to do it everyday,or every other day. And when I say "it" I mean you have to see the world behind anxiety because anxiety is just a gatekeeper,a character in your life that wants you safe. The arguments of anxiety are not based on truth. No,its based on fear . You have to worj with yourself even if you feel like crap and feel like you will die any second and feel like there is no hope and ypu just want to sit on the couch all day. That will only water the anxiety and its not okay. Push yourself. Its no news that you are the only person that has control over you life. Dont expect anyone or any drug and medicine to make you feel good. When I first had relationship anxiety,i found this site and it helped me a lot. Its not only about relationship anxiety,its about anxiety in general .Check it out,you might find it helpful .

And anxiety has a great power. So its very hard to get put of the vicious circle. It goes like this : thought-rummination-research-feeling like there is no hope and repeat. And to get out of this circle is to recognize that not all thoughts are true,many of them are not even close. And ask yourself,what is needed ? What is anxiety trying to tell me? And you will find things about you. Not always great. But it will help you grow.

I hope you dont feel alone in this because you are not and I hope you all realise that we choose the life for ourselves .

Have a great day


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