i am new on here so not sure where to start but thought it might be easier to get things of my chest.
God where do i start... I first properly had really bad anxiety around 2/3 years ago when I had a health scare, i totally lost my self didn't want to leave the house, took alot of days of work, everything felt so disorientated difficult and scary that i was losing my mind. My relationship was extremely hard work on a daily basis. With the advice of my mum i went to the doctors and they put me on citalopram 10mg to this day i am still on them. Alot of days were difficult but i started to feel a bit better, me and my partner got engaged at the time he was my rock.
Shortly after i became very irritable, finding faults with him, not feeling good in myself, avoiding going out etc arguing alot with him the list goes on.
I think looking back even before my health scare i was never very happy always rather flat and down. Rarely smile etc.
I often drank wine and watched tv most nights not to the point i was drunk but helped coat my feelings a bit.
On sunday morning just gone i woke up in a horrendous state sweating telling my partner i was bored and unsure of being with him and the wedding we have booked for this year i am now also seriously questioning. I blurted out i kissed two guys years back this morning now really worried ive hurt him badly but i felt like i needed to clear my conscience whether this is whats bugging me i really dont know. I feel very very mixed up, barely eating and working 9-5 is exstremtly difficult especially with it being a new job.
I feel absolutly terrible questioning everything i really dont know what to do its driving me insane knotted stomach and crying all the time.
Any support / advice you can give i would greatly appreciate. i try to avoid the internet as it can often make me feel worse and more panicky.
thanks in advance