I hate this I feel nuts!!

[Tree46814]

I had another freakout today where I was fighting off panicky feelings all day with tools and methods ove learned but I felt this pressure in my temples and sometimes if I feel a symptom of some kind, I take it to the extreme and convince myself that I'm dying. Trust me when I say I realize how crazy that is and I don't do it on purpose, or atleast I feel like I can't control it no matter what I do. God forbid anyone but my hubs is near because they think I'm losing my mind. I was crying and it was feeling pretty bad this time and asked a friend to bring me to the e.r to ask if they could run tests on me but the last time I went, they did nothing and kind of made me feel like a joke. Recently, friend had mentioned that SHEhad a friend who went to the same e.r complaining of headaches and they sent him home and that night he died in his sleep. So of course THAT freaks me out too. I hate that I'm like this!! But in the midst of it all I am just convinced that something is wrong with me. Turns out fresh air and a ride and a couple annoying questions seemed to help today. At first this friend of mine was asking too many questions, once I actually voiced that something was wrong, And they just made it worse. he's sitting there trying to make sense of it all and I'm like i know it makes no sense that doesn't take away this feeling I wish it did!!! It's likei think I know what's really gonna happen to me, but why? Why do I always do this? It's so terrifying and I feel like I'm s hypochondriac or something. A week or two ago I had a freakout where all of a sudden my heart just started bearing rapidly and this made me bug out and I started to feel like I couldn't get air, i was literally suffocating so I got up and started packing and trying to force myself to breathe slow and I actually talked outloud to myself!! I kept repeating "you are OK, you are having a panic attack you are OK you are not going to die just calm yourself down " all that stuff and it eventually worked

But for some reason today I felt like I just KNEW I was a goner. I know I need to go back to seeing my therapist again

This is becoming too much. But I'm hoping that the next time it happens I can come on here and see if it helps any. Thanks for letting me ramble about my craziness. Here's to something better in 2016 😊😊

[Hidden]

I am so sorry that you are suffering like that. I do understand - I have the same feelings of impending doom, depression and uselessness. But I know, and you know, that we have to push through the feelings using whatever skills we have developed, however hard it seems. It does not help of coirse when we hear stories about some person who died. But we dont know the proper circumstances of that person and what exactly happened. Yes there have been occasions where medics have made mistakes - but they are few. You and I and many others here have gone through lots of tests, with nothing found usually. We know that anxiety is psychological in basis rather than anything physical. So you are not very likely to be dying. Yes I know the feelings that come with this illness we have, and help is available in terms of medication or therapy. But we ourselves can help by using those methods and techniques we have learned from each other - like distraction for example. I hope you feel better soon.