I don't feel like anything is real, I feel like life is a nightmare. Everything is scary. I wake up every day looking forward to going to sleep but when I sleep I have vivid bad dreams, and I wake up the next morning in a panic that lasts all day. I have so many symptoms when my doctor asks me what's wrong I just look at her. There's pressure in my head all day, my neck is tight, my muscles hurt, my skin is burning, I get dizzy, I feel lightheaded like I'm going to faint, I shake, I get nauseous, I dissociate and I constantly feel like I'm in a dream. I can't connect to the people around me at all. It feels like everything and everybody else is on another plane of existence. I got a new puppy a month ago and even though I'm with her every day it feels like I've never even met her. I'm 20 years old and I can't get a job or go to school. My panic attacks force me to quit every job I have. My friends have given up on me. My boyfriend is depressed because of me. Both of my parents are deceased but my grandfather is sick of me and wants me to move out. I have no idea what to do. I don't hallucinate or anything like that but I honestly feel like I have something way worse than anxiety because of how intense my symptoms are. The worst is the feeling of nothing being real and the lightheadedness. I feel like if I didn't have those I could manage the other symptoms. My life has come to a halt. I've tried multiple medications and nothing works. I'm seeing a therapist but not enough; I feel like I need to be commited but my insurance won't cover it unless I'm suicidal or homicidal which I'm not. Actually, dying consumes my every thought. Every little feeling or thought I have good or bad ends in my death. It's so terrifying. I don't do anything because I figure what's the point? I'm going to die soon anyway. I feel like I'm only getting worse. A year ago I still had this anxiety but I was going to school and had a job. It's gotten so much worse since then. I've been to the ER 20 times. They gave me a CAT scan, drew blood, and gave me an EKG more than once. I've also had a blood pressure test and some other tests I can't even remember. Seizure tests.. another one of my biggest fears.. everything came up negative. Still, these symptoms won't go away and I can't convince myself I'm okay. Sometimes my muscles lock up in my whole body and I can barely move. When I walk up a flight of stairs my heart races. My ears feel plugged up and my brain is swimming. My head is POUNDING right now. I don't think I'm going to make it through this. I'm getting worse and worse and it feels like nobody cares or has it as bad as me. I feel like I have my own mental illness that no one else has that's crazy severe and can never be cured. I just don't know what to do now
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.