Struggling after partner left me :(

So I have suffered with anxiety for many years now I also have mild depression. I have been to all kinds of therapy and counselling and tried all sorts of medication and nothing ever seemed to help.

I met my partner over a year ago and moved in and lived with him for the past 6 months, everything was amazing for the first time in my life I thought I had met someone who would never hurt me and truly loved and cared about me. Dont get me wrong I had some wobbles with my anxiety but I thought he was understanding me and supported me. For that reason I started to feel happy and relaxed I never worried as much and actually for the first time in my life felt really content and never felt so good. He is everything to me, I love him so much with all my heart. We even got two kittens which helped my anxiety it was amazing I finally felt I was settling down and happy in life.

In September we went to Africa so I could meet his father (his mother lives here and I had already met her) the trip was for 3 weeks and I was really excited about going. Everything was going great with his dad for the first few days but then it went hostile and I felt really awkward been there, for some reason I felt like his father did not like me and kept asking him when I was going and see if we could get me a flight home early :( Also I got called ignorant just because I am shy and socially awkward which he did not like. After a week of been in Africa I booked a flight home as I could not take it there anymore and how is father was been with me. My partner said he wanted to stay as he has waited 2 years for it and he couldnt just leave as i get him all year round and his dad doesnt. He promised me that we were ok and he wasnt going to leave me we would just forget about ever going when he got back. So with that, I left.

From the moment I left I worried constantly, I knew his dad hated me so I knew he would get the last 10 days of his dad convincing him to leave me, I had a really bad feeling about it all. I did not hear anything from him for the 10 days and when I went to pick him up from the airport I was so excited. The first week he was back was so amazing was like we had never gone, he was so loving and we laughed and joked, made love and was just so happy I was so pleased that I was worrying over nothing.

He decided he wanted to go and see his mother on the Sunday a week after he got back, he went on his own which I was fine about. The morning he left was all happy and laughing and loving still so I wasnt worried at all. He came home a different man, he was distant, cold, couldnt look me in the eye, didnt want to touch me, I couldnt believe how he went out that morning and came back like this I was so confused. I kept asking what was wrong and he said nothing he was fine and we were fine and there was nothing wrong, he still told me he loved me but deep down I was still worried. The thursday came and i went to hold his hand in bed on waking and he pulled away and thats when I demanded to know what was wrong, thats when I heard it isnt working anymore, I dont love you like I did and you should leave and go back to your parents.

I couldnt believe what I was hearing, i asked why he said that his parents and he feel that I am not letting him progress anywhere in life, his parents have never seen him so miserable apparently, I am stopping him from having a life and bringing him down, and his mother said i am manipulative apparently and warned him on 3 occasions to leave me. He said our relationship must be bad if people who hardly know him (his dads mates) are saying its not working. His dad who dislikes his mom and hasnt spoke with her for 14 years even broke the silence apparently and called her and told her not to allow for the relationship to go any further.

I am just so confused and heartbroken I cannot believe he would listen to his parents to this extent. I know he didnt have a very balanced childhood and had a lot that happened so maybe he feels obligated to his parents to make them happy even if its at the expense of his own who knows all I know is I cant get my head around this.

Today is my first day back at work and even though I am putting a face on I am really struggling, I am having to travel 50 min to work now and pass his house (that was my home) every day and knowing he works for the same company but in a different building is hard too. I am dreading leaving work knowing I have to pass the house and not go there and see my kittens and see him.

After the split he said he needs space and time alone, I have to collect some parcels from his house in a few weeks, i asked him if we could sit down and talk to but he said we will have to see on the day whatever that means.

My anxiety and depression has raised its head again, I am not coping at all and finding it so hard keeping it together, I cant eat, sleep and even struggling to leave the house. I havent heard anything from him since, I made a mistake of messaging him this morning telling him I missed him but he hasnt replied.

I feel sick with this whole situation just the thought of him ever been with anyone else hurts so bad, just wish he would give us a second chance and stick up to his parents, but I know he is stubborn and full of pride so even if he does realise he has made a mistake or misses me I dont think he will admit it, or I am scared his parents will drill it into his head now that he has done the right thing and just to forget about me :(

I am sorry this post has been so long, just feel so alone right now and feel no one understands how I feel, its killing me inside I really cared for this guy I still do, I love him more than anything just wish I could make him see that and he would realise it.

Has anyone managed to win their ex back or been through similar, I just dont know how to cope right now :(

3 Replies

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  • Sounds like you are better off without him, plenty fish in the sea, his dad sounds like a tosser,keep cool , give him the boot,someone else is out there waiting for you,you seem too nice a person to waste your time on him, best wishes xxx

  • hi x b x i'm shocked to my boots after reading your post, i'm lost for words, i can't believe a guy like this would treat you like this, and as for his parents that doesn't surprise me one bit, i've been on my own now for 14 years and to be honest with you i wouldn't want my ex back for all the tea in china. i just don't know what to say that can bring you comfort at this moment, i'm in shock just trying to write something just for you to try and help, but its seams like my brain as closed down. my heart goes out to you if there is anything i can help you with, then please post me back and hopefully the shock of what i've just read may start to make since. i hope and pray that you will be o.k its a massive shock and i just want you to know that i'm here anytime, i'm Alan and like you i suffer from depression and Anxiety with a lot more beside. please take care and i hope you will reply just to let me know that your o.kish, it may seam a uphill struggle at the moment, but i'm here if needed take care x b x speak to you soon kindest regards Alan xx

  • Awww sweetie I feel for you! Please know that you are an awesome and wonderful person. I'm so sorry this has happened to you! Not what you deserved. I have been in similar situations. You know honestly he does not deserve you!!! But I'm sorry you are hurting so and I know miss the kitties. I am also here for you if I can be just to listen. Take care of yourself! BIG HUGS 💛

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