Uncontrollable Movements ? ? ?

I am at a loss of what to do. I went to a neurologist who I'm told is one of the best in the region, and she's told me that unless the movements affect my daily life, she's not going to run any more tests. She told us to come back in 7-9 months. I am literally going to list everything I know off the top of my head about my medical information. I don't know what to do anymore. I am an un-emancipated minor. My parents are divorced with conflicting opinions on several issues. My mother has been the most helpful when it comes to getting me help for medical issues.

- I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression

- I do not have epilepsy

- I do not have a tick

- I do not have an insufficiency of magnesium (don't ask)

- I have acid reflux

- I do not have a gluten allergy

- I am allergic to mold, trees and pollen

- I am allergic to penicillin

- I was in a psych ward for 2 and 1/2 weeks after I attempted suicide*

- Members of the staff at the psych ward told me I was being dramatic, that I wasn't having panic attacks, I was behaving like a 3 year old

- The above has inspired extreme self-hatred

- I sometimes feel that I do not have depression or anxiety, and that I am simply an attention-w**re.

- I had tethered cord, but had surgery in 2012

- The movements include:

- shakiness while experiencing anxiety

- shakiness while NOT experience anxiety

- jerk-like movements similar to a knee-jerk reaction at a regular doctor's appointment

- the jerk-like movements can range from minor movements to a leg lifting off the ground or a hand raising, afterwards slamming back down, I can control it once it's happening, if I want to. There are times when I don't want to (read next bullet points)

- I constantly feel like I am insane, but no one else notices it

- I desire to be insane

- I desire to have a significant health problem

- There are times at which I believe that I am simply an attention-seeking child

- Every few months I come up with another medical problem which I am convinced I have (Cotard's syndrome, scitzophrenia, bipolar disorder)

- there are times at which I experience vertigo

- there are times at which I CANNOT close my eyes for longer than the time it takes to blink, due to a belief that people around me are being taken or are pointing weapons at me (sometimes I imagine myself being taken, and other times I simply experience vertigo)

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*This is how I explain it to psychiatrist: "I did not want to kill myself. I wanted to try to kill myself." These days, I'm not so sure. I think I'd be more likely to if I knew I wouldn't go to hell. I'm a christian, I've been baptised. I'm a liberal christian for F**k's sake (I know, we DO exist). I skipped track practice, walked to the grocery store, found a small knife, bought it at the self-checkout, and walked home. The cuts I used were smaller than what others would do for self-harm. The scars have since then disappeared.

4 Replies

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  • You might be helped by a good counselor/therapist! Would you give it a try? Since your mother has been helpful to you, maybe you could discuss this with her as to how you could go about this. Usually your GP has suggestions. Good luck to you.

  • My heart aches for the pain you are going through. Please show this post to your mom and doctor. I'm not a doctor but I think meds and therapy would help you. Take the meds and go to therapy for as long as it takes for you to feel better. Anxiety affects people in different ways. Some can work through it on their own. Others need the help of meds and therapy. You need to decide what kind of help you want because you are the one that has to work on your recovery. I needed the help of meds. I am not ashamed to admit that. It's your life and it's okay to ask for help.

  • Good advice. Print this out and show your Mum, Dr and psychiatrist. Surround yourself with supportive people. Oh yeah, get a second opinion from a different neurologist. I've had the hand raising and dropping thing too. It TOTALLY freaked me out since I was on the verge of sleep, my entire arm raised itself up, and then dropped back down all by itself. I'll never forget it. I put it down to nerves and never told anyone. Until your post.

    I'm very sorry that you're going through this, but with the right treatment, support and understanding, you will get through it. One problem at a time.

    I'm especially sorry that you've experienced ignorance from some members of the medical profession. I have too. Forget 'em and their ill-mannered ignorance. Find people who are not judgemental, but professional and stick with them. Look at being treated holistically.

    Be well.

  • You are very clear about what's going on in your thoughts and body, and your list is excellent. I agree that showing this list to your mom and finding a doctor who can set up a plan to help you with talk therapy, medication, etc is exactly what you need. You can get well!

    All the best to you. You can do it!

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