My Story

[amberm]

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 and have suffered from depression and anxiety resulting in self harm since I was 10. Been through years of counciling and antidepressants. Been on about 7 different antidepressants which all made me feel sick and couldn't carry on feeling worse than I already felt. Counciling helped for a few years then just stopped helping. My mum thought a blog would help as most of you will understand how I'm feeling. My family and boyfriend are so supportive, but have never been through any of this so its hard for them to help me. I feel like I'm just living for no purpose? I don't have any friends, hobbies nothing that helps me get out of these ruts. I was getting better but when I was 18 I was sexually assaulted, after this it brought me back to square one, it's something I can't get over? Seeing a program on tv about rape, a news story, or people talking about it. My day to day life seems to remind me everyday about what happened. I feel like the world is against me I'll be having a good day and then something bad happens and seems to be one thing after another. My grandad died of cancer then my grandma died a few weeks later, I was in a car accident which I was thankful I wasn't seriously hurt, surgery for endometriosis, my grandmas an alcoholic and my boyfriend seems to be moving on with his life and I'm stuck here. I know a lot of people have bigger problems than I do but every small thing seems to bring me down. I have a few questions I want to ask you, what drugs, natural remedies or techniques helped you hope with getting through depression? How did you describe it to your loved ones? And when does the pain stop?

[Hidden]

Hello

So sorry to read your post and even more sorry that no one has said Hi to you even if we have no replies to give but wanted to let you no I had read your post and people do care and understand but we don't always no what to say or what will help but we care as we do no how you feel

You have been through an awful time and even though you have had counselling in the past I am wondering loosing two loved one's if Bereavement Counselling may help ?

The assault that took place , have you spoken to anyone about this , you really need to as again this can leave you feeling bitter , angry , hurt , less self worth , was it your fault ( which it would not be ) but you need help working through it and I would suggest you go back to your Doctors open up and let them refer you again , sometimes Counselling can be an on going thing but as you have seen before it can help so it does not matter how many times we accept Counselling as long as it is helping us work through our problems

I think been kind to yourself , stop beating yourself up because you have an illness as you would be taking care of yourself if you suffered with anything else so you should with this to , try not to look at what you have not got but what you have and any small achievements focus on those and not what you are not doing as those are the most important

Imagine you were someone else , a child maybe suffering , what would you advise them to do ? take that advise and apply it to yourself and all the love you would offer that person that was suffering allow yourself to give yourself that same love to because you deserve it

You have done a post that really explains how you are feeling , have you thought about writing down how you feel and asking the people you feel you struggle to explain things to to read it , sometimes this can work better than trying to verbally explain

Have you or are you a member on Action on Depression on here to ?

You can find it by looking in Communities and if you are not on there already they could also offer some great support

Keep talking to others on the Communities as it helps a little to know you are not alone in how you feel

Take Care x

[amberm in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much your support and words mean to me! Even a stranger can support you in more ways that you ever realized! Thanks!

[Carmel67]

I just want to say I'm thinking of you. I'm on my phone right now with a daughtert in my lap so I can't type much. But this a great place to be and you will realize you are so not alone. Take care of yourself.

[amberm in reply to Carmel67]

Thank you so much!