Empty nest

[Sue04]

I'm new to this so any advice would be great. My last child had just moved out and i have such bad anxiety/depression. I just cry and don't want to go anywhere. Feel so lost ,like I'm not a mom. House is way do quiet. My doc increased my zoloft, hoping that helps me become able to cope better.

[Hidden]

Hello

I thought there was only me that would feel the way you do

I have three grown up Children , two left home quiet a few years ago and I have one still at home at 21 the youngest

He had a Girlfriend the last the years and she did nothing but talk about him moving out and them getting a place together and I would feel so angry and bitter towards her because I am dreading when he does move out which I no will come one day

They actually split up so I have him a while longer but like you I have been a Mother for 36 years the only thing I have ever done ( well no actually it can be one of the hardest jobs but rewarding ) and I already no I will feel I have been made redundant when the last one leaves in fact I do way to much for them and I think it is because deep down I want to see feel needed because I think that is what it is about are kids need us we give so many years to them and then all of a sudden we feel we are no longer needed and what will we do !

But the two that left some years ago are always in touch ( in fact sometimes they phone with more problems since they left than when they were here )

When I got pregnant with my eldest I was very young , my Dad went mad and his words I still remember now were " Do you realize if you go ahead with this it is for life , you are a parent then forever "

That is so true because they leave we will always be their Mums , they will always want us , love us that never goes away

I know the house feeling so quiet is hard , try and maybe get the radio on some kind of noise so you don't sense the silence so much

Plan when they can come round for tea maybe or meet up and look forward to it and remember your house could be so busy & noise y again if they start making you a Grandparent , there is so much to look forward to even though I totally feel what you will be feeling now because when I think about the day my youngest says he is moving out I could cry at the thought

I cried when he left School because it was like my last baby was growing up and I knew that meant they were getting closer to needing me less but as a loving parent that is part of our job , to love them bring them up to be independent adults so they can live on their own and look after themselves so you have done a fantastic job and they will no that and that is why they will still be calling upon you , it is the adjustment it is hard but you will slowly get used to it and above all please remember your title of been a Mum will be there for life no one can ever take that away from you

I hope the stronger dose of meds helps you get through while you adjust and you will

Maybe if you are like me you gave all your time to your kids while they were at home and there must have been things you thought if you had the time you would like to do ?

This now could be that time that you could look after you and do all the things that you wanted to do before they all grew up

Take Care x

[BettyA in reply to Hidden]

I do understand... but one word, with the best intent, of advise....DO NOT make him feel guilty for moving or "TRY" to hold him back... If you want to keep a good relationship with him and if you WANT him to come back and visit....then allow him to do as he pleases. If he makes a 'mistake' ...so what? We ALL do!! That's called living and learning...

I was very proud of both my son and daughter... they 'took their partner's side'...If differences came up...and THAT is how it should be... This shows real maturity. I really hate to see mothers (especially) in a contest with their inlaws....

[Sue04 in reply to BettyA]

Thank you for your thoughts. I am very proud of my 2 children and i realize i should look forward to their lives and what they have to come but it's just hard to see the positive right now. I agree with your thoughts though.

[BettyA in reply to Sue04]

If I seem to get a little 'carried away' -- its because during my short 'dramatic' marriage, my husband's mother did so many hurtful things...and my husband NEVER ONCE took my side... in spite of how horrible the things were that she was responsible for... OOPS!!!...better not think about that...Anxiety loves those kinds of remembrances!

[Sue04 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your response. I like what your father told you. Deep down in my heart i know I'm still a mom but it's so hard not being involved with them like you were when they were growing up. I truly enjoyed watching their sports etc and now i have nothing to do as far as a motherly duty. It's so dif. I know i have a lot to look forward to watching them succeed in life and creating their own family but it's hard to see all the great things right now.

[Hidden in reply to Sue04]

I can understand where you are coming from , I remember I was the only Mother that looked forward to the School Holidays and was upset when they had to go back to School , people thought I was strange ( maybe I was ) but it was that I just enjoyed every moment with them

Yes we are always a Mum and they like to no we are in the background when they need us which they do but the adjusting will be hard , when we have anxiety we don't like change anyway and when it affects us emotionally we struggle even more but you will adjust , give it time and don't be hard on yourself because you feel this way , it is a loss in a way and some of us feel it more than others

Take Care x