So Sunday night I stayed at my boyfriends and had a panic attack from 12 till 4.30. Well 4.30 is when I finally fell asleep. My boyfriend asked why didn't I wake him. The answer being I can't rely on him all the time, I've got to no that I can do it on my own.
Problem now is I've had the feeling of panicking since Sunday! I've made a plan for each day and only managed to do a few things off my plan. Only simple things ie have a shower, tidy up, go for a walk. I don't no if it's my head wanting to do things and my body stopping me or the other way round. I've spoken to my mum a bit about how I am feeling and she thinks I should go to the doctors and they may be able to give me some medication! I'm finding it difficult to understand that the doctor may say I have depression or some other mental health problem. My boyfriend and I have treated today like a ps game. Everything on my list is a level on the game. First one was get dressed - completed go for a short walk - completed (that was a very hard level) make and have dinner - completed. I'm now struggle with the fact that I've got to have a shower! A shower the most simplest of task and I know I'll feel better after it, just my heart stats raceing just thinking about it!
I feel stupid for feeling like this and I've put a face on for a number of months maybe even years, but right now I can no longer put a face on. I am struggling, but unsure of what I'm struggling with, life? Health? I don't no. All I know is I'm sick of feeling like I can't cope with every day task. This is not what I want my life to be like.
Task shower - in progress