Death

[Mabi]

Latly for the pass 3 weeks i havent been able to think about death and how im not going to exist anymore and how i dont know what to expect and i cant stop thinking about it

[Gambit62]

The bit of the brain that deals with anxiety and fear is one of the more primitive parts of the brain - and it tends to work by sending you an image of the danger - which is good if you are living in a cave and need to run away from a bear but is pretty useless when you are living in the modern world and suffering from anxiety. Your brain is trying to tell you that you need to do something about your anxiety or (very much worst case scenario) it could kill you.

So, it tends to end up with an anxiety loop where your anxious - so thought of death - which makes you anxious - which means more thoughts of death.

I got out of the loop by imagining that the thoughts of death are like unwelcome callers - now I could either cower in the corner by the window hoping that they would go away or I could simply open up the door and say that I wasn't interested ... I'd been trying to cower in the corner and that obviously wasn't working so I decided to open up the door and say no thank you instead and retrain my own reaction to the thoughts. So now, if I have a thought of death I thank my brain for warning me that I'm anxious and go and then go and do something to relax ... when I started I thought it would take months to change the pattern but it actually took about 2 weeks so think it is definitely worth a try.

[LaceyTiel in reply to Gambit62]

I really like your answer about the connection to our primitive brain. I watched a documentary once that talked about just that. Another example of the primitive brain acting out is the surprising high percentage of people whom fear snakes. I realize there is religion and mythology that may contribute to that too. But the documentary said our much distant ancestors that feared snakes were less likely to be killed by one- and continue to produce off spring. So that because part of our human instinct. Again not saying people whom love snakes have a different gut reaction because of genes. They are following their heart and modern world brain when it comes to snake appectiation. But the percentage of people who fear or dislike snakes is very small compared to other disliked animals.

I lived in a tropical place with black Cobras that dandled from the tree branches camouflaging brilliantly. And then one day a black cobra was In the hammock on the porch after it had eaten a pet cat. You could see sadly the evidence. So my fear or at least respect of the danger of snakes would be different again from someone who never had a cobra in the hammock after eating a pet.

[annabettina]

I've have similar thoughts, Mabi. Not so much for own death but the possible ever-more end of the people (children, parents, sibs, friends, etc. ) whom I love.

To think that there may not be any God or eternity (angels and all that), something I believed with all of my heart until last year, takes imo really big psychological balls, I call them.

I think this is a part of an existential crisis. Look it up. Nothing new under the sun, if that helps...so many have struggled with the same questions.

For me, I woke up one day seeing the world, civilization so very differently. I saw that since the beginning of man/time, he has had his "stories"...saw his deep fear of his own mortality and that of the people he loves, to really grasp that the grave may just be it, and nothing more, absolutely nothing more, well, to really grasp it, it's heavy stuff. Heavy, to really grasp it.

Hopefully, you will find (and I will find) a "real" therapist who will in his/her quietness sits on the periphery of what we're going though and by doing so offer his/her support. And, hopefully, in time, we will find our way and make some sort of feeling of contentment with the world as it is.

Remember, you are not alone, and since the beginning of time, some of the greatest minds have struggled with this very thing. Ain't easy but I hope it will me better in the truest sense of the word.

Annabettina

[LaceyTiel]

When my grandmother and dad died around the same time I started to think a lot about death and life. I cleaned out my grandmother's house and my dad's office. I saw all the ceramic ornaments that looked so beautiful of my grandmother's mantle. I saw the cookie jar that we as kids would be so excited when my grandmother let us have one biscuit. The weird little rabbit ornament that's head would come off and would reveal my grandmother's collection of twine. The salt and pepper shakers I loved to play with on the kitchen tables- etc. etc.

All those things so special to my childhood memories lost their enchament. Now they were just objects wrapped in newspaper to be placed in a donation box or in some cases just thrown in the bin. My dad had a lot of things he was proud of too. And it felt like I was violating his privacy going threw his desk tossing most of the contents in the bin. And my mother finding a collection of photos of long past exgirlfriends was a bit awkward. I wish I got to them first to save her the pain.

It all made me think of what will happen when I die. I actually try to live like if I died tomorrow everything would be in perfect order for whomever cleaned out my home. But this is not a compulsion - just someone I do think about though.

Religion is an extremely personal and private matter but someone's beliefs can impact how the concept of death effects us in our lives. Unfortunately for me I wish I could believe in traditional stories of Christian Heaven and so forth but I can't. I do believe in God. I see life is like a flower and has many stages. There is nothing we can do to stop the flower from the cycle of life but we can appreciate its beautiful in all of its forms while we are here.

[corsaUMM]

I have had theses thoughts since a child. I thinkI may have been about five, imagining mum and dad dead and then it was me. For many years I would jump out of bed whilst half asleep and dash to put the light on. Looking back I realised they were the start of my life long panic attacks. I am 69 fought cancer and I am not afraid of dying but not believing in an aftet life. I have problems coping with my non existence. Depression has been with me for many years and I think it is part of that.

ee

[hairyfairy]

I too can`t come to terms with mortality, it seems so pointless that people are born only to die a few decades down the line. I`d give anything to be able to stay young forever.