What should I do for the best?

My wife left me in March of this year. I sensed that she was plotting to leave me for a while before she left. It was like that feeling that people get when their partner is having an affair. I ignored the signs in the hope it would just go away.

I still see my wife as I am her registered Carer. So to some extent she has not entirely left me. A lot of the issues we had was as a result of me suffering from work related stress. I have had a number of jobs over that last few years that I have left through stress. I have looked for work in other fields but have not been successful. I sent my CV to a number of agencies and received a call to say that they had vacancies in my old type of employment in a neighbouring county. I was a bit apprehensive about them sending my CV out but felt a need to get back into full time work.

I have the offer of a position with an employer in a City that is about 50 miles from where I live. It would be a fresh start. I would be unlikely to have any dealings with people that I worked with previously. I am due to attend a second interview for another firm in the same City. If I were to take one of these out of area positions I would have to move.

If I took the position I would have well paid work doing a very prestigious job that took me years to train for. When doing my job search I was really only looking for a local job that paid moderate wages. I have failed to get jobs that pay only about half the salary that I could earn.

I really feel that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do not like being on benefits but have not been happy in my current line of work. I get very anxious if I am a long way from home (more than 3 hours away). I am finding the idea of moving from my home to very scary. I also in my heart of hearts want to get back togther with my wife. I really miss her.

Any thoughts that you may have would be appreciated.

Thanks

M

3 Replies

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  • Have you had a real talk with your wife... one where you say...let's not be angry or feel sorry for ourselves...let's just talk... and please tell me exactly how you feel...and I will do the same...

    Just try (this is the hardest part) to NOT be 'defensive' and make excuses and hopefully she won't either. If she absolutely does not want to get back together, then you have to make up your mind 'that's it'... and go forward...(also not real easy but its the ONLY way to heal).... I think you are equally worried about the wife and the job situations... Maybe you should just concentrate on YOU and do what you need to do to take care of YOU.... Best wishes to you.

  • Hello

    I think that eventually it will maybe make your anxiety worse caring for someone you still love , it must be very difficult when they have said they do not want you anymore so like already said I would sit down and ask if there is no way you could move forward together and if not then it will be hard but you should then look at you & what will be best & yes it will be frightening we do not do change very well but when we do we can mostly look back and see it was for the better and always remember that we can make a choice and if it is the wrong one we can then make another :-)

    Reading your post if my OH did not want me any more I think my self worth would keep taking a battering if I was there continuing looking after them it would just not work for me even though I would be tempted to keep doing it maybe in hope they would change their minds but if she has said it is over then I would accept it and as much as it hurt I would have to be brave & move on for me & for her as sometimes when we love someone the right thing is to let them go if that is what they wish

    Who will look after her as you are her carer ? As long as you put that into place then maybe look at a whole new change see it as a book that you are going to write a whole new chapter and you can make that chapter as happy as you want as you are in control

    Good Luck x

  • Your situation sounds difficult right now, I'm sorry. First I'd like to say a separation is never easy and it certainly isn't any easier when you care for your ex wife still. Its going to hinder you moving on and working on yourself to feel good and be happy. You did say you are hoping to get back with her, that's going to hold you back. Especially if she's made up her mind which she did, she left. This new job opportunity sounds great. It is on a field you feel excited about and you feel you wouldn't have the work anxiety you spoke about? Moving is always scary but if I the long run, its whats best, then you should give serious thought to doing it. Fresh start, like you said. Oh, and I'm the same, I get so anxious being more than an hour away from home. But hey you'll have a new home. =) I hope this helps a little. Good luck and keep us updated.

    -Tiffany

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