My experience with anxiety

Hi I am 26 years old and I suffer from anxiety and possibly PTS and OCD. I know for a fact that I have anxiety from getting shot back in 05'. I will never forget that day. Earlier that night I had been out with my at the time best friend. We went to another friends apartment to hang out and get high and drunk because that's what we were doing at 16. It was around 2am when we decided to go home. We called another friend that lived in my neighborhood to take us home. When he got there we went outside and left with him. We noticed someone was following us, that's when we the driver told us that he had just gotten into an argument with a man about some stolen drugs and that was him following us. The man turned out to be another friends cousin that had fronted the 2 boys some Xanax and one of the boys got stolen and they were accusing the driver of the car that I was in. (Kind of twisting I know) So the driver in the car I was in tried to lose the other vehicle. I remember driving over 90 mph and I was scared to death that we were going to wreck. Me and my friend begged to let us out. After about 10 minutes of trying to lose the driver he cut us off the highway and started firing a gun. I remember hearing about 6 shots and as we drove off I felt the pressure in my back. I never heard and windows shatter so I wasn't 100% sure. I said the words " I think I got hit" at that moment everyone turned to look at me and put my hand on my back and when I brought it back up it was covered in blood. At that moment I realized I was about to die and this is it. I thought it hit my heart and I could barely breathe. My lung had collapsed and the bullet went through and broke some ribs, went through and out my liver and my stomach and was resting on my large intestine. They then drove to a vacant subdivision and waited while one kid was picked up because he was on probation and my best friend left with him. I found out that night that she was no friend at all. I remember her crying and saying " she is turning white" I recall telling myself this B*tch is crying and I'm dying. When I realized she has left me I knew I was really going to die. I was devastated that I was going to die like this. I was helpless and kept saying call 911 then I would have to catch my breath. We were there about 15 20 minutes before he rushed me to the ER. I remember thinking it was to late.. When he got me there he carried me in and yelled " she's been shot " they rushed me back and started cutting my clothes off. The nurse told me she was going to give me some medicine and I was out. When I woke up I couldn't believe I was alive. One of my longtime friends was there holding my hand and she said are you ok? That was the first tear I shed. Recovering was the hardest I had over 30 staples going down my whole stomach. The pain was worse than being shot itself. It was about a year or 2 later when I had my first anxiety attack. I was driving in the same place where I was shot and immediately my heart started pounding, I thought I was dying and just felt CRAZY. Ever since then I have them a lot. I get stressed out a lot and worry all the time. I worry about the craziest things. My main fear is being shot again. But I also fear I have or will have cancer, a heart attack, stroke that me or a loved one will die..... it's crazy. I hate that my mind is thinking like this on a daily basis.

9 Replies

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  • Hey there, wow I've never known of anyone to get shot! Except the movies. I hope they locked away who did it? I can understand why you feel anxious and stressed!! I'd just try to talk to someone about it. Sorry but I'm not sure about what advice to give. Haven't gone through that before. Good luck x

  • The man that shot me was given 25 years. Thank you

  • Still having these mental issues due to the gun shot wound. I am going to talk to a counselor today. I really hope this works.

  • Your are suffering these attacks due to trauma....search and find some kind of trauma councillor ....ask your doctor.

    The memory when you passed the place where you were shot brought back the feeling of that day.

    No different than when you see your favourite band that you feel good.

    Only these memories are negative.

    You are young don,t wait, look for help now.

    GBx

  • Months later I have tried to take Xanax or try to block it out. I am still having issues and going to talk to a counselor today. Thanks I hope this works

  • Oh my gosh....I feel for you...never known anyone who has gotten shot! How awful and traumatic for you. So sorry. No comparison and no need to compare horror stories...I am glad you spit it out. That is the first step.....now healing needs to come about....because every time you tell the story or think of it you are reliving it and very real with feeling, memories, flashbacks, etc. Your mind believes you want this....it doesn't recognize good or bad....just you are thinking it all the time and it will continue. Yes, a counselor would be nice, but unless one that knows their business at at will just let you talk it out and pay them to listen. My therapist gave me the best help trick ever....and I know you will laugh..... I did. It has been a special study like Freud.....but get a rubber band or a fancy elastic bracelet and Every single time a thought of this or negative issue creeps into your mind, pop the band on your wrist!! I mean it!? Whether in shower or sleep have it because those scarey bad thoughts will get to you....this will definitely help...learn to really love yourself and see everyday is another chance to do that....I wish you well and will talk any time....been there too and still things in life can come but count yourself as in control...remember nothing or nobody can get to you or steal your happiness or worth unless you let them! PEACE!

  • Thank you for your encouraging words. Months later I'm still having these issues. I do believe that talking about it will help. I'm going to see a counselor today so hopefully this helps.

  • Well, first of all I would like to say you’re a very strong woman and “Thank God” that you made it out of that tragedy. I too went through a tragedy where I was rapped and beat in the head with a hammer. I fought for my life and with the grace of God I survived. Throughout the years I thought that it was all behind me, but now I suffer with the worst anxiety attacks you could ever imagine. My life consist of going to the ER, heart doctor,my regular physician, and stomach doctor. I’m tired of chest pains,shortness of breath, and all over new symptoms on a daily basis. I also fear dying at a young age. The one thing that I know for sure that helps me get through my attacks is knowing that they are just anxiety attacks. I tell myself all the time “they are just anxiety attacks and I can get through this”. You have to keep reminding yourself that they are just attacks and your not going to die. Another thing that helps me is talking to other people that go through the same thing as me (mostly on Health Unlocked). When I relate with others that suffer with the same thing as me I get a big relief from that. I’m going to cut this short before I bore you, but remind yourself daily that your not alone and your not going to die.

  • Yes thank GOD that I'm still here. I was also able to give birth to 2 beautiful perfect children. I think that I still suffer from anxiety because of choices I have made since then. My life is pretty normal but I live paycheck to paycheck and it is so stressful. My oldest child is 7 and I have no help or support from her father. She is such a beautiful, smart and talented little girl. And my youngest is 2 and his dad helps some but not like he should. I feel like me family has in a way turned their back on me. I just feel alone and stressed a lot. My kids are my happiness but then they can ware me down! It seems like a never get a brake. I can support my family by myself but it is so hard. Anyways.....This weekend I was at my daughters softball tournament when I felt like my heart or pulse was to fast. I felt kind of crazy. I got so quite (which isn't me bc I scream from the dugout out of excitement) and all I could think about was how crazy I felt and my heart was pounding. My stomach got so upset I had to go to the BR twice. I felt better being in the BR alone. I told one of the coaches I was having anxiety and his friend was a nurse and luckily she gave me a Xanax of a generic brand. I felt better within minutes. I do not have enough self control to make these attacks just go away. Do you think I need medication? I keep Xanax at home but those are from off the street. I do not take them daily. Maybe once or twice every two months. Its like once I'm in a stressful environment it can set in. If I'm broke or worried about money I get them all the time or several times a day. I went to a cardiologist and they have looked at my heart and say its fine. I have been to the ER several times and they run several test and nothing ever comes back. I know this is all a mind thing but once I'm in the middle of an attack I cant help but feel like I'm about to die or something is extremely wrong. I smoked marijuana for years and I stopped when my daughter started to get older so its been like 3 or 4 years. When I started smoking as a teen I would have the best highs, laugh and get the munchies. But then it got to the point where after my daughter was born I would randomly get the anxiety once I got high. I decided to stop for my kids and bc of the fact I was prone to an attack. I just worry a lot and I have crazy thoughts. I look perfectly normal and nobody would ever be able to tell. I think my stress all falls back to money and the way my life is.

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