help please...

[Rachms11]

hey everyone, im 23 yr old girl. have had generalised anxiety disorder since I was 15 after a close friend was tragically killed then went to boarding school 4 months later and could not cope. I have extreme separation anxiety from my home and parents since that. I moved out of home 6 weeks ago for the first time and have just about lost my relationship with my fiancé. we have been together 3 years and got engaged in January this year but have never lived out of home before. my anxiety is so bad I feel im obsessed by it. 90% of the time I want to give up and come home where im "safe and not anxious and comfortable" and its making me doubt my relationship with my partner. he has been so supportive but I feel constant doubt and guilt about us...... anyone else know what I could do? my life is falling apart as we speak

[Hidden]

Do you think maybe the problem is your anxiety and not anything to do with your relationship? Why is being at home with your parents feel saver? This sadly is probably from the trama of losing your friend in boarding school. Do you worry that people close to you may passaway young and unexpectedly now? You answered one of my posts so you know I suffer from anxiety too. It is so awful to have a knot in your stomach worrying about things. I suffer from a hyper vigilance sensation that is worse than even a physical pain. I really hope you feel better soon.💐

[Hidden]

It's just anxiety doing it. You don't need to feel guilt or doubt about your relationship and it's not your fault. You shouldn't obsess the anxiety or keep thinking about it, you need to take your mind away from it and do something so you're not fixating on it. If you keep thinking about it, it's just going to drag you down and you don't want that. If you're a strong person and have heaps of support, you will pull through this. Everyone's here for you, you have our support. You shouldn't doubt yourself. You just got engaged early this year and you should be happy. My mum keeps telling me don't dwell on the anxiety. You should enjoy your life, start planning on your wedding, get your mind off the anxiety.

[Mishkacat]

Heyyyy rach, has your anxiety peaked today for some reason..try some breathing exercises..im sure your anxiety is making you feel the situation is much worse than it is. Sounds like you need to try do something to keep the anxiety at bay.you have hobbies?please take care you are a good person

[Alex14]

Your thoughts can sometimes be helpful and sometimes be just deciving. Your going theough alot if frustration and stress i can tell be you need to find a way to get away from this and just give yourself time to clear your mind then take one thing at a time. Write a list down of the things you want to do. What you had was a trauma/ anxiety disorder. This might sound simple but i know its not you need to open up to your fiance and tell him how you feel. Understand your not alone and things will get better. Anxiety isnt your enemy its trying to keep you safe. If you trust your fiance then love him enough to know that he will be by yourside through thick and thin. Practice breathing with him 2 minutes of just relaxation.

[Rachms11]

Thanks everyone for replying. I'm in more stress today as he said last night I can't stay out near my parents forever and should move 3.5 hrs away with him. It really freaked me out. I feel like my body has just numbed itself and feel sick now like I could throw up. Seeing a new counsellor in a week or so so I'm holding out for that. I do feel fear away from my family since that happened to my friend. And I've always been super close to my parents. It seems so petty and dumb and I'm not sure how I let it get to me this much

[happinesstrap]

sorry for the short post (not much time) You need to learn to medidate and other relaxation techniques (yoga? tai chi?). If you are not on medication, you need to speak to the doctor about this and also ask to be referred for cognitive behavioural therapy (if you havent already) and weekly counselling sessions. You also need to take care to eat well (healthily) and get plenty of sleep. Do you work/go to college? if so i suggest taking 2 weeks off to have a rest. Read this book:: "the happiness trap" by Russ Harris and practicce the mindfulness techniques. This was a real help with my generalized anxiety disorder, which i have suffered from since age 7 (i am now 40). It will get better - but you really need to committed to your recovery by learning how to manage it. The reason you want to be at home is this is your safe place and a way of avoiding the responsibility of life. Life can be v tough for those of us w anxiety and this is your way of coping but the things i have suggested are part of your "coping kit" and they will need to be practiced throughout your life as a way of managing your condition and if u commit to them, i promise things will improve. good luck xxx

[Rachms11]

Thanks happiness trap. I do actually have that book! Bought it over 3 years ago (when I was single) n haven't read it fully. I'm going to though. I know deep down I need to get over this n better someway but the way I look at it to is I was happy at home and surrounded by things I love in the country etc. I feel I'll change to someone I'm not. And like I get told I can always come home so I think why do I have to leave when I'm feeling sick like I have been? hard one

[Rachms11]

And another thing I think of is- other people I know stay out here and never leave the area and are close to their parents and are happy. I feel like why me? Why do I have to leave?

[Notalone8]

Hi yes breathing it helps you relax and not panic!!! Try telling your self and reminding yourself its just anxiety and your gonna be okay! !. Also talk to your boyfriend and let him know what's happening so he could understand you and not feel unwanted. So both of you need to find what makes you feel safe around him , or what does he do to make you feel safe and reasure. Practice it until you start feeling safe. Don't forget we live and grow so that's part of life and it's okay to feel nervous or anxious about moving away . Just don't let it ruin your relationship and try telling yourself that . Hope you figure how to cope with this good luck to both of you !!! God bless !!

[kitcat49]

Is it separation from your parents or is it maybe separation from your time of innocence ? Don't be afraid to go back to your parents,give yourself some time,get stronger,your man will wait if he truly cares about you and your health. Then when you are ready try moving out on your own ,that in itself will give you inner strength. Then and only for all the right reasons get properly married. But do see a good doctor as you go along.

[steadfast66]

Have you seen a therapist? I don't want to preach to you but you sound like you might be a Christian. If you are, then you know that living with your partner without being married is not what God wants. However, your anxiety probably stems from feeling safe only in your parents home. Which is a wonderful thing since many children don't. You might want to move back in with your parents until you talk with someone about your separation anxiety. Sorry for your anxiety. You are not alone. I started having symptoms of anxiety in my sixties and went to see a Christian therapists which helped a lot. My anxiety was caused by what people were saying about me or what I thought they were saying. Your thoughts control your emotions/feelings whether real or imagined. Rachms11, praying for you.

[Rachms11]

Thanks for all tour help everyone. Makes a big difference x. I'm not Christian but I just wish I knew why this is getting as bad as it is. I feel the verge or a anxiety attack coming on and I'm doing my best to stop it. It's harder than previous years cuz I was single then. Now I'm affecting my partner and our future.