My kids are better off without me.

[photogirl]

I know there are others out there that have felt this same way. I have given up. I have lost everything due to financial hardship from several surgeries to save my life this past 9 months. I have continued to just keep doing my best but for every inch I move forward, I fall a foot behind. This week I lost my car and am getting evicted from the home I just moved into a couple weeks ago after being evicted from my last house. I work a great full time job, but it isnt enough. I am losing my two young boys now from this eviction as they will have to go live with their dad. I have nothing left and no one to help me. Sad how a couple thousand dollars for rent can ruin your life. I owe over 200k in hospital bills as well. I really have nothing left. When I try to explain my level of despair to anyone, they just preach to me how I should hang in there because it will get better. How is losing my children and becoming homeless something to hold onto? When I say I give up, no one listens. It's either "keep your chin up" or telling me how selfish I am to feel like giving up. My kids are losing their home and their mother. Isn't it the ultimate act of selflessness to stop putting them through this roller coaster? They deserve so much better than me. I only fail them. Honestly...if someone has lost everything they care about, when they have stayed strong for so long and fought so hard and still ends up losing it all...what is left? I just keep wondering why I even made it out of the hospital, just to be thrown into such a state of loss and pain. There is no "Gods plan". I am fed up with positive encouragement from others who go to bed with their health, a roof over their head, their children next to them and their bills paid. I would love for someone to tell me the truth.

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