Anxiety/Panic is taking over my life and I just want to feel normal again.

[xkayla78x]

I experienced my first panic attack after having my son 6 years ago. Since then I have attacks off and on, it seems like some months I'm fine very few small ones and then all of a sudden it all hits me and I'm dealing with horrible anxiety/panic. Every muscle in my upper body feels so stiff, I can't have anything touching my chest..can't even wear a necklace.

Usually I enjoy spending time with friends, go out on weekends now and again, even go on road trips. Now it makes me scared to even think about doing any of these things. I can barely go anywhere, the grocery store, landromat, doctor, out to eat everything sets off my panic even driving and if I do drive I'm biting the seatbelt.

I started a new job, within a couple of weeks here I am. Seems like anytime I have a life change I go through this. This time its so bad I had to take time away from my job and have been staying at my parents house. So now not working and trying to focus on getting better. I don't know if it's helping or not because I just feel sad all the time. Worrying about having to go back to work and feeling like this again.

I was put on klonopin.. it helps and then I got scared about the dependency part so I have cut down the amount I take. I was prescribed prozac tried a few days.. had bad stomach issues with it.. than buspar for a day woke up feeling sedated and way way out of it. Now they want me to take effexor(Venlafaxine) and I am nervous as heck don't want to feel worse, worried about side effects and what not. I don't know what to do anymore.

Next step is therapy maybe.. because I don't know if I can be brave enough to try the new meds. I just want to go back to feeling normal, happy, like I can be a good mom.

[inasense]

Hi Kayla,

So sorry you're having a rough time of things at the moment. Anxiety has a way of suddenly derailing your natural state of being like nothing else. It's a violent shake, and then you're left to pick up the pieces and try fitting them back together.

Large changes in life trigger an amount of anxiety & stress in pretty much everyone, and a brand new job would definitely qualify. Try not to ostricize yourself from the ideal of "normal" simply because you are more sensitive than others and experience stress in the unique way we classify as "anxiety". You are you, at any given moment, and that is your normal. Keeping this in mind may help with the anxiety & sadness you're experiencing because it mitigates the mental/emotional struggle to return to some prior sense of self. When my anxiety gets intense, I try to remind myself that this experience is just me, not something I'm apart of, not a foreign entity with malicious intent. Doing this takes much or all of the power from the anxiety, and places it back in my hands. It's not easy to assume that responsibility, especially when your emotions are so intense, but in the end it is key to claiming back peace and stability in your life.

Cycling through medications is of course very hard, I feel for your immensely on this. When anxiety is running rampant you feel compelled to just about anything which may provide relief, and jumping through hoops to be welcomed with dissapointment is so difficult. In my case, medication played a role for a time in my life, then it's role was exhausted. It was a tool to help me make positive lifestyle changes, which in turn have lowered my anxiety level for years with a consistency medication and/or therapy could never provide. I'm not discounting these tools, as they are invaluable, but merely implying they are respective parts of a whole. Your attitude towards Klonopin implies you are aware of this in your own way, kudos to you for not allowing that dependancy to develop (which can happen so easily with Benzo's).

This moment of hightened anxiety is just that, a moment. It will pass. Try to remember that, despite it feeling counterintuitive when all your physiological/mental instincts are saying otherwise. One of anxiety's main strengths is it's ability to attribute a finality and gravity to situations which, in reality, don't warrant such an intense reaction. It will not alienate you from the people & things you love with any permanence, it doesn't have that power unless you allow it to.

Try to embrace help & support as it comes, and minimize guilt or shame. There is nothing weak about hitting a rough patch and needing a hand to get back up-you'll be stronger for it. Allow your love for your children (and yourself!) to give you courage-nothing is stronger than love. You deserve a life free from anxiety, and have the power to create that life. In my experience, states of high anxiety (especially those instigated by life changes) have been catalysts for positive development & growth-it's just be a bumpy ride along the way sometimes.

I wish you the best, please feel free to share, vent and express to us any time-you're not alone, there are others who get it, and we're here for you!

-j