The last time I felt like now was mid 2012. I have skipped work now for one week & still feeling everything bad- deep sadness, dizzy, didn't go out of my house the whole of yesterday and today so far. Because of my Christian faith I don't have the heart to keep the extra marital relationship where I used to run to, to get upliftment & feel more normal so now am left with my wife who treats me harshly becoz she does not know & isnt even curious about what I am going thro. My head feels blocked. cant think straight. now on 50 mg tryptizol (Amitryptline) since last 4 days. have been on and off anti depressants since last 16 yrs. Have a job interview in about six days & dont know wat to do. my sick leave in my current job expires on sunday (next tomorrow). Am too tired (hopeless) even to spell-check what am writing. As I said my wife doesnt really care. because she has no idea about what I am going through; and neither is she even curious. to her I am just a difficult person. we are married for 16 yrs. Only my kids make life worth living. I just wonder if i can get up and go to work next monday and work through the week for the interview. I feel like now is the end of it all. but I wont give up by God's grace. I need your prayers if you can pray... I cant even pray like before but thanks to God for His mercies which endureth forever.